|4| My Brokenness

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by miagj07

by miagj07

JJ's POV

When Kie left the hot tub I truly felt guilty. By the time I finally got out of the hot tub it was 5:12 am. When I got inside everyone was sleeping so i went and sat on the couch.

As I was sitting down on the couch all my feeling began to consume my head. I try not to ever cry or break down in front of any of the pogues instead I keep all my feeling in and comfort the other pogues when they need help. I sat in the very oversized couch while my eyes slowly began filling with hot tears. I could feel my heart sink into my chest. Pain began wrapping its hot fingers around my throat, choking away the last remnants of my good memories.

I was shaking uncontrollably to the point i felt like i was going to throw up. I heard Kie calling my name from behind me, I turn around barely able to see because of my blurry eyes filled with tears.

"JJ" she looks at me concerned while rushing over to the couch.

"Kiara go to bed" i declared while wiping my tears. I didn't want her to see me like this, in fact i didn't want anyone to see me like this. I felt embarrassed that she had to see me like this and knowing her she would most likely feel like feel like she would have to have to clean my life up.

"no JJ you need help, you need my help" she ran over to the kitchen to grab a glass from the cabinet and got me some water. I hadn't realized that i was still shaking uncontrollably and i was barely able to breath.

" here! here!" she ran over to me and handed me the glass of water. I sipped the water slowly so i didn't choke. "JJ what the fuck is happening" she said with slight tears in her bright eyes.

"i'm ok Kie i promise." I say trying to smile.

"no your not JJ, you need help and you have needed help for awhile. I know you try to be strong and you are one of the strongest people i have ever met in my life. But if you don't get help who knows what will happen. I can help you JJ only if you let me, we can go to therapy together-"

"No Kiara i don't need help stop trying to fix me, this is my problem and not yours." I snapped at her and i could see her flich and take a step back.

"JJ" she stepped closer pulling me into a warm hug. "I just want the best for you, your my best friend and if i ever lose you i will lose myself."

"Why doesn't hes want me" i mourned, talking about my dad.

"Because he is a piece of shit and he doesn't realize how special his son is" she said pulling me closer into the hug while giving me a kiss on the head.

After about 30 minutes of talking and hugging i allowed to let her help me, even though i didn't want to bring her into my brokenness. At about 6 o'clock in the morning we both headed to the room and fell into a deep sleep.

When i woke up i looked over to the big bed beside me to see Kie was not there. I checked my phone it was 3:56 pm. "fuck i slept the whole afternoon." I mumbled and slowly got out of my bed.

When i walked into the living room everyone was in their bathing suits. Kie and I made eye contact but i looked away fast, still feeling embarrassed about yesterday.

"JJ get your fucking swimming suit on we're going on the boat, we have been waiting all day for you." Pope said annoyed while he took a sip of beer.

I laughed while walking back into me and Kiara's room. I threw on a pair of bright yellow swim trunks and grabbed my sunglasses while walking out the room. I walked back to the living room to see everyone gone. I rolled my eyes knowing they were all already on the boat.

once we all left the dock we had a good time, about 3 hours later we tied the boat up to go swimming, we all were drinking and having a good time. It really took my mind off what had happened early this morning. When we went to leave the boat had got stuck. We all were freaking the fuck out because at this point it was already 9:34 pm. We ended up sleeping on the boat that night until Pope's dad could come help us in the morning.

In the morning we all went swimming until Pope's dad got of work. I was sitting on the boat while everyone was swimming. John B climbs in the boat and sits down next to me.

"What's up" i say with a smile while i take off my hat a put it back on.

John B stared at me for awhile when he finally said something.

"You have feeling for her"