addicted: judd birch & stass

CHAPTER 34: the L word

'judd?' i spluttered, realising how stupid i sounded from the drink and pill - affecting my speech. i went to grab him but i suddenly felt extremely weak and let out a breath as i fell into the counter.
'stass baby what the fuck' judd said, sounding panicked, grabbing both sides of me and pulling me into him. i shut my eyes, trying to breathe and process what was happening.

'we're going back to mine right now, i'll go get your stuff, you're too fucked up to do anything right now.'

'no!', i slurred angrily, swatting at judd, feeling my jaw start to gurn again. 'i said to M i would stay here i am i- i'm not leaving her.'

'fine. we're going to one of her guests room right now then.'

he dragged me upstairs and i giggled as i realise i couldn't even see sight of the stairs. a room came into sight and judd pushed the door in.
he picked me up and placed me on the bed. i faced the ceiling and he put a hand either side of my head and stared down at me. i giggled as his blue strands fell delicately onto my face. i put my palms on his face and breathed.

'judd i caaaaan't do anythinggg, i can't-'

'i know. i know. can we just stay here a minute?'

'stay where?' i replied.

'in this position, i'm so sorry about earlier, i didn't mean to drop the bud and i had to leave because your mum was..'

instead of letting him finishing his sentence i just threw my head into his and kissed him. i rolled over on top of him and kissed him again. i started to kiss his neck as my legs wrapped around him and he grabbed both of my wrists and pushed me back.

'no stass, not now. i'm not doing this whilst you're like this. you need to sober up or get some rest.'

'but whyyyyy?????' i protested, kissing down the side of his face. 'can we go for a cigarette at least?'

'yeah okay.' judd agreed. he lifted me off of him and interlocked his arm round my shoulder. we made our way down the stairs and headed straight for the patio doors. there were a few other kids out there having a smoke, so judd purposely dragged me towards the back of a garden.

'the grass is wet. sit in my lap if you want.' he offered.

i perched on him and set my head next to his and i pulled 2 cigarettes out, placing one between my lips, and one between his. he got his clipper out and we lit them.

i was still fucking buzzing but i was trying to act normal. the smoke went into my lungs and back out. i snuggled into judd's neck and kissed him on the cheek.

'i love you judd.' i suddenly blurted out. i shut my eyes, dropping my cig on the floor, and drifted off into whatever was going on in my head.

i woke up in the bed that i knew i'd been lying in some time before, but i couldn't put my finger on when i'd been there. i turned to my right and there lay the boy i call my boyfriend - sat in a back hoodie and grey joggers, with the hood up, with a few blue strands visible on his forehead. he was furrowing at his phone before he noticed i was staring.

'holy fuck faggot don't scare me like that again. looking all medusa and shit.'

'fuck you' i laughed, kicking him in the leg and sitting up. i was still in last nights dress except i had one of judd's zip ups on. my head pounded and my mouth tasted of nicotine and cheap alcohol.

'don't remind me of anything i did last night. i don't even want to think about it.'