Battered and Bruised.

January: entry 12

Chase and I hugged Hana and Liz and left back to Chase's place, I change into my jeans and fake varsity jacket and Uggs and we left, thankfully Chase had a shirt on. "Let's go to the peer!" Chase exclaimed "why? It's freezing." I told him. "So? We don't need to go swimming, even though we're in Ohio it doesn't mean we can't have fun!" Chase said. I smiled and nodded, we went down to the downtown area, close to the peer, but still a bit of a ways away, I had money saved up from summer and my birthday and I shopped...a lot. "Hey, is that Alice and Xander?" I asked Chase. "Yeah, it is. What a cowinkiedink." He said, I laughed, it came out a little loud, "yeah, I guess it is." I said. We went into Starbucks and got some coffee, I told the lady to put "Harry Styles" on the cup, when she called it so many people flipped, "Oh, I'll take it, he's waiting back home,he left a few minutes ago, I'm his girlfriend. C'mon Chase,we gotta eat this to Hazz." I said,Chase nodded as we left, we walked around a little more, up until we bumped into Alice and Xander, she was with Regan. Regan is a friend of hers, they always have their laughs when it comes to me. Regan was with Joey, her boyfriend. "Hey leftovers, what's up?" Chase asked Xander. "Good comparison." Xander said, rolling his eyes. I was annoyed with Xander, I mean, he tells me he likes me, then acts like a complete jerk. "Thanks!" Chase said, he knew Xander wasn't really complimenting him. "Go suck an ass." Xander told Chase, "So, Justine," Alice said, I froze. "Come here, I wanna tell you something." She said, I slowly nodded and she guided me over to a bench nearby. "You know you're boyfriend, Chase? He dated one of my friends Melissa, he broke her heart in half and stomped on it. He had sex with her and left." She said. I didn't believe her for all the money in the world. "I doubt you're telling me the truth, Alice." I said. "Then maybe these will prove something?" She asked, handing me a folder, it was full of pictures of Chase and another girl, she looked happy, but he looked like he could care less, in some pictures he smiled, it was the same smile he would give me. It was all fake. I stood up, "Alice..." I said. "Yes?" She asked. "Thank you." I told her, I walked away, in the opposite direction of Alice, Regan, Joey, Xander, and worst of all, Chase. I cried a little, taking out my phone, texting Cate. "My place, now, pleeeaaaasssseeee!" I sent it. "Okay." She replied, I got in my house seeing Cate had already let herself in. "I was lied to..." I said as I burst out crying, she rushed over to assure me, "what do you mean?" She asked, "Chase never really loved me." I said in between sobs. "Hun, I'm soo sorry!" She said hugging me again. I heard a knock at the door, probably Chase. I kept crying even louder and harder. "Justine! Let me in! Whatever Alice said was a lie!!" He said. I cried harder, Cate hugging me. I saw a car pull up, my parents were back. Oh no, rehab lasts a year, they didn't even make it a month! I heard my dad's voice, "Cate! Leave through the back door!" I whispered, she nodded and left. I sat on the couch, crying. I don't even care anymore. My dad came in, "WHO THE HELL IS THAT BOY?" He screamed. "Dad..." I whispered, he was so drunk. "TELL ME!!" He shouted even louder. "He's nobody that I care about." I said, right before taking an almost bone breaking punch to the jaw. I let a tear slip, of course, not going unnoticed. "YOU'RE SO WEAK! YOU CAN'T EVEN TAKE A RUDE COMMENT WITHOUT CRYING YOU LITTLE BITCH." He said, I sat there taking it. I cried, for the first time in front of my dad, I cried. "SEE WHAT YOU'VE DONE NOW? YOU'RE MAKING YOURSELF LOOK WEAKER AND WEAKER." He spat out. I wouldn't take it anymore. "DAD I'M SICK OF YOUR BULLSHIT. I'M SO DONE. AND GUESS WHAT" I Rolled up my sleeves "I CUT! DO YOU WANT ME TO MAKE MORE FOR YOU, DAD? DO YOU?! I'VE ALMOST ATTEMPTED SUICIDE BECAUSE OF WHAT YOU'VE PUT ME THROUGH!" I shouted. He looked a bit scared now, "OH SO YOU CAN DISH IT OUT BUT YOU CAN'T TAKE IT IN!? WHAT A MAN." I screamed, I opened the door and slammed it, leaving. I was so suck of him, so sick of my mom, so sick of Chase, I was sick of everything. I felt a smaller hand grab me, it was Clara, a neighbour of ours, "is you're daddy being mean again?" She asked, she was only six. "Yeah sweetie, but don't worry, it'll all stop." I told her. "My mommy said that you should be in our prayers. She said that you needed a friend." She said, she was so cute. "Thank your mommy for me, okay? I won't be able to do that anymore." I told her. "Okay." She said as she smiled, I kept walking, I walked until I saw downtown, the bad area. There were always hookers there. Sometimes a singer. "I'm giving you all my love, I'm still lookin' up... And when you need your space...to do some navigating, i'll be here patiently waiting, 'cause even the stars, they, burn, some even fall, to, the earth." A singer sang, it was Jason Mraz, "I won't give up on us even if the skies get rough, I'm giving you all my love, still lookin' up, still lookin' up! God knows I'm tough, enough!" He sang, I threw him a five dollar bill, he looked my age, he nodded his head thanking me, stopping his guitar playing just to nod and thank me. He began playing his guitar "Heart beats fast, colors and promises how to be brave, how can I love when i'm afraid?" He sang it amazingly, "sir?" I asked him, he stopped playing, he had amazingly curly hair, and green eyes, he reminded me of Harry Styles, almost. "Yes?" He asked,he even sounded a bit like him. "You look a lot like Harry Styles. Are you him?" I laughed, "no, not quite..." He said smiling. "Well, you look like him." I smiled, he looked at me, confused. "Why is a girl as pretty as you downtown?" He asked, "We'll just say it' a long story..." I said. He shook his head, understanding. "May I ask for your name?" I asked "Dalton." He said, he flipped his hair, "you have pretty eyes." I complimented him, "you have a pretty face." He said smiling shyly, I blushed. "Thanks..." I said smiling. My phone vibrated, it was Chase. "Where are you??" It read. "Why don't you ask Melissa?" I asked replying. There was no response, I liked that. I wanted him so badly, but Alice just kept picking out Chase and I's flaws. It got to me. A lot. "And what's your name, anyways?" Dalton asked, "Justine..." I said. "A pretty name to match a pretty girl." He said. "You're a flirt." I told him laughing. "Or so I've been told." He said laughing back. A hooker came up to me, "you new here?" She asked, I shook my head, "no, I'm not here for that..." I said, she was pretty, Bleach blonde hair, blue eyes, she reminded me of Liz. "Do you want service, or do ya wanna do service?" She asked. "No, I was just coming here to cool off..." I said, she looked at me, "Cool off? What did your daddy not buy you the right pink phone case?" She said getting catty, "actually, my daddy abused me to the point that I told him off and stormed out of the house." I said, she looked surprised. "Oh sorry...you just seemed like the kind of girl..." She said. "No, it's fine." I replied, Dalton looked at me, "really? He did?" He asked, I nodded my head, a little cautious. "I'm so sorry, Justine..." He said, I had just met him, and was so nice...why? He hugged me, he was pretty strong, I hugged back, "it's fine. It was all gonna end today, anyway..." Tears welled in my eyes, "what do you mean, you weren't gonna...you know...kill yourself, were you?" He asked, I nodded my head again, tears slipping, we sat down on the curb, "I had no idea...you just seem so happy..." He said. "I'm a girl who's put together on the outside, but broken on the inside." I said sighing. Dalton hugged me again, "you're strong, pick your head up princess, your tiara's falling." He spoke softly, those last few words made me feel so worth it. No one had told me anything like it. "Thank you Dalton, that means a lot...it really does." I said, he picked up his wrists, showing me them, three cuts on each wrist, I cringed, I looked at him sympathetically, pulling up my sleeves, he grimaced, he probably thought I was way worse. He took my left wrist, took out a sharpie from his pocket, and drew a butterfly on my wrist. He then took my right wrist and did the same. "Name the butterflies after someone you love, or care about, if you cut before the butterfly fades away naturally, you've killed them." He told me,"why haven't you done this?" I asked him. "Because I have no one to care about." Dalton whimpered. I hugged him, "well, we're friends now, so you have me." I smiled at him. He gave me a shy smile in return, taking the sharpie and drawing a butterfly on his wrists.