How it started

Chapter 5

Two distinguished lost souls in search of one another's impeccable comfort.

—

An illness is an illness.

Either the memory of it haunts you for the rest of your life or it is the illness that stays with you for your entire life.

Take it as anxiety and depression, those 2 stay with you for your entire life. Therapist will give you medicine and coping mechanisms to use for when depression decides it's a good time to rain down on you. Or when anxiety knocks on your door and consume you whole until your left shaking and in desperate need of air.

Then there are illnesses that's memory of stay with you until you are nothing but an empty body 6 feet below. 

Traumatizing doesn't even begin to help describe this feeling of a memory haunting you.

But an illness is an illness.

—

"What color should we get the bed for her?" Noir asks me as we shop for supplies for Alora while Alora lays in my arms taking her mid day nap.

"The brown one, she doesn't like light colors makes her hiss." I say as he places the bed into the cart with the rest of the things.

After we're done with buying the things we go to his house and place everything for Alora.

I try placing her down for her nap but she's reluctant in staying in my arms and I baby her in return.

I look up at noir and just let myself take him in as he re arranges everything to his liking. 

I can't help but wonder who he has become now, has he let life slip through his fingers like I have? 

Does he claw at his wrist and look at himself in the mirror with repulsion filled in his eyes like I do? 

Does he still have that spark in his eyes he so badly fought everyday to keep? 

he was abused, he still is abused I can tell. 

No matter how much he hurt me, gravely, with leaving I still forgive him. 

He didn't have a choice I can tell, and his words that cut me deeply and wounded me like no others could, they were all to get me to hate him. 

He doesn't have to explain to me, he doesn't have to win his space back into my life because there's always been a space for him in my life. But the anger and resentment I hold for him is all still there like a freshly cut up wound, oozing of the toxins that invaded my body day in and day out. 

When I looked at him I saw home, not a place, not a thing, but a person who can just by one look bring the comfort I so badly needed In this world. Now when I look up at him I see a tattered person trying to rekindle a situation ship that has no meaning left in the world. 

But it is the hope in his body language and his eyes that speak to my tired and broken soul that mend it and as much as I resent the emotion it holds on me, I love it just as much as I hate it. 

So that is why I lay what's left of me for his eyes and only his eyes to see, to mend, to heal, to do as he pleases with it because only he had the power to ever do so. 

"Do you remember the first time alora followed us home?" I ask quietly staring down at alora resting in my arms. 

"How could I forget, I had just gotten into a fight with Hollen Madison over taking you to the fall dance. Threatening him to stay away from you if he wanted to keep his fingers intact." He chuckles in between making me shake my head in a playful way as a grin makes its way to my lips. "You had dragged me away from him screaming and cursing up a storm as we walked home when suddenly we had to take shelter because of how hard it had been raining." 

"Mhm, and we saw a beaten and tired lost soul curled up in the corner and the rest was history." I smiled and kissed the top of Alora's head placing her down on the bed carefully, watching her snuggle into it. 

I step back looking around at his home and how blank and lifeless it really looks, it always did. "I think it's time for me to go, she'll look for me in the afternoon so don't be alarmed if you don't see her here." I nod my head after saying my sentence as a form of goodbye as I start to walk towards the door when I feel a tug at my wrists. 

"Kam-" My heart aches at the nickname making me flinch and look up at him right after, trying to hide the reaction from him but failing to do so as I look up at his face and all I see is hurt and confusion laced on it. 

"Please don't do this noir, not right now. I can't bring it in myself to become vulnerable in front of you right now. All it's ever caused me is pain in the past." I whisper to him, my voice begging for him to listen to me. 

"You have every reason to feel that way but please understand Kamari that I mean no harm in anyway. I just need to explain and I will do everything necessary to do so. "He says stepping forward making me take a step back to keep space between us. 

"You need to understand that when I am pleading for you to leave the situation alone and to not talk about it, that I mean it for a reason." I say taking one good look at hime in his sorrowful eyes then walking towards the door opening it then tuning to look at him one more time whispering to him, "Time mends the heart so much more than words could ever do so noir."