sailing miles away // tomokazu

prologue

kaedehara kazuha was drowning.

with his vision bluried and the world above collapsed, he let the vicious thunders roar above as the merciful cold waves slowly consumed the pathetically exhaled last particles of oxygen keeping his consciousness afloat.

kaedehara kazuha was very literally, very unpoetically, drowning to the sound of anguished thunders.

often when at the brink of death, the person might feel their brain disconnecting from their body. and as the numb thoughts seem to be extinguished, the body fights on its own to preserve the fragile life within the person's chest.

but oh, kaedehara kazuha no longer could contain himself from trying. so he let the thunders roar, he let the waves crash, and he let his eyes open to the salty water; was it the sea or was it his tears that finally drowned him, he wouldn't guess.

he wouldn't know.

oh how he wished to stop feeling in this very moment and succumb to the darkness. how he wished the waves would consume this pathetic breath of his, silence the traitorous heartbeat in his chest because how dare he be alive?

how dare he breathe?

his guilt dragged him down to hit the bottom of the sea when the realisation finally sank in, and so he sank along with it.

but he was not allowed. he was not allowed to die yet.

as if to call out the demons from his chest, he saw the light piercing the darkness above. within the maze of thundering waves, he saw shapes of human hands surging down to retrieve him.

he saw him, but briefly.

he saw him and it hurt too much to withdraw his hand.

god, how he wished he could touch him. how he wished it was him and his hand pulling him out from the land of the dead.

but how could he if he himself had descended there just a while ago, piercing scream in the air, the sword cracked in two, one less heartbeat to sing along the wind.

tomo was dead.

kazuha could not.

tomo's face vanished gradually like mist leaving the world as the sun spread its rays on the ground; kazuha's lungs burnt.

the first inhale of air burnt through his throat and stabbed needles inside his chest as he gulped down the oxygen hungrily. he gasped, finally feeling the tears run through his bloodshot eyes. he didn't yet know why he was crying. it could be the physical discomfort at having almost drowned to death, or it could be the realisation that he didn't in the end.

it could be because at this moment reality hit him in the gut and smeared venom down to his core to slowly devour him alive, crystalise his blood and make it shatter his useless heart. it could be because he understood, and the truth left no more questions to ask.

tomo was dead.

he saw the glory of raiden shogun's one last time before she sliced the life out of his chest. the pathetic scream of his dying vision cut the air into pieces, and kazuha jumped without thinking anything other than he had to run. he had to take the dying vision and refuse to bury it, because to bury it was to bury a friend.

and kazuha refused to look at tomo one last time. he didn't want to see the empty blank look on his face and the pair of unseeing eyes with one last unshed tear. no, kazuha didn't want to see.

but kazuha jumped up and caught his falling body before he could shatter the skull of his head. he bit down hard into his lip and refused to bow down. he looked up and saw the shogun rising up in the air, staring down at him with unreadable expression.

kazuha bit down his lip until the bitter taste of blood filled his mouth. then he laid down tomo on the ground before the shogun.

and he ran, never turning back. and he ran, with the dying vision burning out scars on his palm. and he ran, because if he didn't, all would die that day.

and then he drowned.

how did it come to this? from running to drowning to crying because the bitter air was back and the sea refused to take him as an offering? how did it come to this?

kaedehara kazuha felt rejected. as the water dripped down from his hair, his face, his eyelashes and clothes, someone's warm hand kept pulling him forward. there were voices, he realised. a lot of voices.

he didn't care.

passed out like this with the dead vision clutched in his hand, kaedehara kazuha sailed miles away.

meanwhile, beneath raiden shogun's feet, the fallen boy's chest rose up and fell, quietly unnoticed.