no matter how much he tried to asses his ground, kazuha had no idea what to make out of tomo's suddenly calm face. there was no accusation in his voice. gods, there was hardly any tinge of emotion that could direct kazuha towards the right reply.
all there was as a simple nautral sentence, but all kazuha held inside exploded nearing him to the edge.
tomo stared at him all the same, watching kazuha spill the emotions from every twitch and shudder in his features. that was enough to grant him the confirmation that he didn't, in fact, had it all imagined out of thin air.
that it was, for all he knew now, a segment of their shared reality.
seeing that kazuha had no words to say, tomo finally spoke himself.
"it's such a weird feeling," he admitted. "to know with confidence that there is something i forgot, and be aware that i forgot. it's like... when you walk inside the room looking for something but you suddenly can't remember what it was, but that it was right there and you're in the right room."
kazuha exhaled but didn't know what to say.
tomo glanced back at the piece of paper, "i know i'm in the right room. i know i lost something here. i know it was you. i just don't know how, or why, or even when. you're at the back of my consciousness and you bring awareness my way, but you're all doused in shadows even though you're the brightest part of my memory."
as he said it all in one breath, he stood up and walked through the room, standing before kazuha and dropping the piece of paper on his lap.
kazuha hand was shaking when he lifted it up and skimmed through the text.
this time it was written once, firm and heavy in the centre of the paper.
"kazuha," tomo spoke quietly. "can you make me understand?"
kazuha saw his own tear splash pathetically on the paper. only one, nothing more. melting into the ink and marking a scar down the piece of paper with his name written on it in big, clear letters.
the paper said, "hold onto your voice. hold onto your breath. don't make a noise, don't leave the room until i come back from the dead for you. i will come back from the dead for you, kazuha."
kazuha shook his head, breath running out of him in spasms but he forced himself to calm down. gaining enough self-power to raise his head, he faced tomo and the questions breaking between them.
"and... how does it make you feel?"
"disoriented. like i fell from hundred miles above and forgot to hit the ground."
"these words..." kazuha coughed. they were not as random as he thought. although tomo never spoke them before in their life, they carried a taste of something they could have had. as if through the lens, kazuha imagined tomo looking up at the face of their archon, knowing this was it. knowing there was no going back.
it could've been his wishful thinking. it could've been his brain playing tricks.
in the end it was the two of them again, under the shroud of the night, basking in the moonglight from the past.
"kazuha," tomo sighed. "there is something none of you tells me about."
kazuha looked at him questioningly, but tomo was looking at kazuha's anemo vision resting on the bedside table. he rubbed his face and sat down on kazuha's bed. in the bits of silence, he contemplated how to ask this question.
in the end, he shook his head. kazuha watched him get up again.
"no," tomo whispered. "not yet."
"wait," kazuha coughed. tomo shook his head.
YOU ARE READING
sailing miles away // tomokazu
Fanfiction-and he ran, never turning back. and he ran, with the dying vision burning out scars on his palm. and he ran, because if he didn't, all would die that day. tomokazu.
