insouciant || harry potter

insouciant

tw// descriptions of major child abuse.
child death.
read at your own risk.

Harry's favorite time of the day was always the time period between midnight and morning. All those hours spent lying in his cupboard, either freshly bruised or thoroughly tuckered out from the day's chores, were oddly his favorite.

It allowed him to bask in his stolen moments of peace.

He reflected on his life often while doing so.

He was quite a simple boy. He liked being outdoors, even if he had to weed the garden, and he liked animals and flowers and plants and anything living. Anything out there that was alive, and so vulnerable in the open outdoors, gave him hope that he could survive this terrible life he was stuck with. That he could survive just long enough to be on his own, free like all the animals in the outdoors.

He hoped one day he'd be just like them.

But back to the present.

There's a lot he could relate to.

Like ants for example.

He loved to sit and watch them—while Aunt Petunia and Uncle Vernon and Dudley were out somewhere and Harry was stuck with ol' Miss Figg—as they would run off to find a safe place to eat their crumb of bread they've just found.

Harry saw so much of himself while watching ants.

He was reminded of the feeling of finding spare food hidden in awkward places or snagging the leftover crumbs from Dudley's plate which sat on the table in the kitchen, and he's reminded of the panic he feels when he's trying to make it back to his one safe place with the small treasures without getting caught by Uncle Vernon.

He was also very fond of watching birds. Watching how they flew from tree to tree with no care in the world. Harry loves watching them bask in the sunlight from their perch on which ever tree they're occupying. He loves hearing their cooing music. And when the mama bird would sing her song to her babies, Harry would imagine it was his mum singing to him.

But his most favorite thing in the whole world is the nighttime. When he's left alone finally. When his little body and mind can relax with the knowledge that nothing can hurt him while he's in his cupboard.

He takes refuge in the few peaceful moments he gets while living with the Dursley's. It's not often during the day, but at night...

At night, special things happen. At night, while he's all alone, stuffed into a tiny cupboard, starving and just barely surviving with the little amounts of food and water in him, beautiful things take place. Things that almost, almost, make him forget all about his life.

He doesn't really know how to describe it. The night time is just so...magical.

The child sits for hours, eyes closed, hands bracing his knees and head leaning on his arms, just watching the beautiful show that takes place behind his eyes. Because he doesn't really know if its actually happening in real life or if it's all in his head. But it's beautiful nonetheless.

He's sure if his uncle ever found out about it, it'd be the last thing he'd ever watch. So he makes sure to only let out his freakishness at night time. When he knows it's safe.