I Would Rather Sell My Soul (BoyxBoy)

Chapter 14 - My love life is hell

Danny's POV

I sighed for what felt like the 50th time. I had managed to avoid Jason all week – which also ended up meaning not talking to Alex but I doubt I'd be able to hold his attention for even a second with Blake there. I was halfway to the cafeteria when I realized I couldn't sit at my usual table, Jay would be there and I'd either have to talk to him or have to deal with his hurt looks in my direction. Or even worse, he'd act like he didn't care at all and pretend I wasn't even there, now that I wouldn't be able to deal with. So, instead of joining my friends in the cafeteria, I hid away strategically.

To be honest, I ducked through the first door I found when I saw Jason walking down the hall, and when I realized it was the library, I decided to stick around. I would have sat with my other friends outside for the 4th time this week but I had seen Jay walking around there the day before and decided this would probably be safer. I walked to the back and found an empty, isolated table with a booth and settled there – I even got one of my books out to pretend I was there just to do homework in case someone I knew asked.

I frustratedly bit my apple, I just wanted to be with my friends but my stupid feelings were getting in the way. Right now, I'd probably be surrounded by laughter and loud voices, and Alex would probably do or say something idiotic and Jason would give him that grin, the one that was just a shadow of the full dimpled smile he saved for when it was just the three of us. That smile was engraved in my mind and thinking about the way he laughed always soothed me like nothing else ever did, but now thinking about it just brought pain. Whenever I thought about him, my mind would involuntarily go back to beautiful memories of his carefree smile and the spark in his eyes, but lately they always went back to the morning he left me, the guilt and shame in his face kept replaying like a broken record. Who would have thought the best night would be followed by the worst morning of my life, and the same person could be blamed for both?

I sighed again.

'Dude, seriously, if that apple is frustrating you that much, just get rid of it.' A voice coming from the other side of the bookshelf spoke, sounding slightly irritated. I jumped and twisted around, to peek between the books, finding a blonde guy sitting with his back to me, a book in hand.

'I—Where the hell did you come from?' I blurted out, confused. I had been so sure I was the only one in this part of the library when I had first gotten there.

'You really didn't see me get here? I nodded at you.' He tried again and I told him no, still confused and slightly frightened. 'Well, whatever, just keep it down with the sighing, will you? I'm trying to read.' He complained, going back to the book in his hand.

I mumbled an apology and sat back in my seat. Damn, I must have been really distracted not to have noticed that guy, I'm usually the most observant out of my best friends. I wondered who he was for a brief second before my thoughts went back to Jason. Goddamn Jason. Goddamn stupidly hot Jason. I sighed again.

'Dude! Seriously, what is your problem?' He snapped.

I knew it was a rhetorical question and the normal response would have been to apologize and stop sighing so much, but my thoughts had been plagued by nothing but Jason and I really needed to talk about this situation, but I didn't have anyone to turn to. I couldn't talk to Jason for obvious reasons, I couldn't talk to Alex because I'd either have to be extremely vague – which would lead to him being so confused and frustrated, he'd literally run away – or explain everything that happened and accidentally out Jason; as for my other friends, I didn't feel comfortable going to them, they wouldn't understand this and I'm not sure I fully trust them to see me this vulnerable. So, even if blondie wasn't looking for an answer to his question, I sure as hell was giving him one.