Letters never sent

Story. 003

I discreetly glanced over to my right, the ink on her smooth, caramel skin captured my attention.
Dates were perfectly aligned on her arms. There were many of them, each with the day the individuals were born to the day (I think, probably.) died.

She lost someone.

She'd lost a lot of people, actually.

I wonder, if I died, would she tat my name?

Would my death mean anything to her?

I wonder if death affected her anymore. I looked up to her exposed shoulder and began to count.

One.. two.. three..

I stopped at around 13. I counted 13 people she'd lost. Was she just accustomed to death?

"You lost a lot of people."

She looked up from her phone. She glanced at me, shrugged and returned tapping on her cracked phone screen. I watched her orange acrylic nails type at the screen repeatedly.

She stopped, locked her phone and threw it to the side. "People are temporary," she finally caught my eye. "Even you, you're gonna leave me one day too." I opened my mouth to object. She wouldn't let me.

"Don't fix ya lips to tell me yeen gonna leave me," she laughs sarcastically "everyone gotta go sometime babygirl."

I kept quiet.

"Come hea." I walked over to her, she patted her lap and I plopped down on her lap. She looked at me, smiled and nipped at my nose.

She had a thing for my nose, I don't know why. I thought it was fat and ugly, but she insisted it was really cute. "I'ma tell you sum baby. I'ma tell you dis because I fuck with ya."

It was never "I care about you." "I like you." and never would she fix her lips to say "I love you." She wasn't like that. I didn't understand, but I would try.

"Ders only one person you should love in dis world."

"Your mom?"

She shook her head. "Yaself." I scrunched up my eyebrows. "Bu–"
She pressed her plump lips against mines. I kissed her back simultaneously.

She pulled back, licked her lips and placed her hand on my hair. "You shouldn't live for otha people." She moved her hand down and stopped at my heart. She poked at it. "And whateva you do," she leaned down and kissed where her fingers were pointed. "Don't eva let someone take advantage of this shit. Don't open your full heart to nobody, ya hear?"

I wrapped my hands around her neck and pressed my forehead against hers. I looked into her eyes, searching for something, anything. I found nothing.

It came out faint, but she heard.

"But what if I have already?"

My breathing shallows as her hands move down to my waist. She gets a grip, lifts me up, and turns around. She throws me down gently on the bed. She hovers over me, before leaning down into my ear.

"Then you've made a mistake." She mumbles, kissing alongside my jaw.

I hold her face gently in my hands, running my thumb over her skin.

Was it true? Had I made a mistake loving her? I had so many questions about her, but most of all I had doubt. I didn't know whether I was doing the right thing, maybe I wasn't. Maybe I was setting myself up for the biggest heartbreak.

I close my eyes, blinking back the tears. I was so helpless when it came to loving her, goddamn.

Her lips come in contact with mines, the kiss is slow and sensual as her hands run between my thighs. She pulls back, biting my lip as she does. "You're so fuckin' sexy, you know dat?"

I don't respond, I don't need to. She grabs my oversized shirt and begins hiking it up, her warm lips come in contact with my navel and she travels upwards, kissing and licking every once and a while.

Her hands, god her hands. Begin rubbing my clit through my underwear and her lips find their way to my nipples she goes to work providing the much needed attention my body needed.

Through the darkness of the room her white teeth, with just the littlest chip, smile at me. I bit my lip slowly before smiling. I didn't know what that was but for a second I..well..we felt normal.

She lowers her head and before she can get any closer I place my hand under her chin. She looks up at me, "Man I was 'bout to go all in on yo shit baby, what da fuck?" A giggle escapes my lips and I sit up and cross my legs.

She sits up too. "Foreal.. what's wrong witchu?" I shrug, pushing my hair behing my ear. "Don't beat around da bush, y'know I hate dat shit."

"When does this," I point at her and then myself. "-end?" She furrows her eyebrows. "Fuck kinda question is DAT?" She pinches her nose, trying to calm down, her temper was the worst. She looks at me, and shakes her head. "I can't believe you right now."

I felt bad.

Scratch that, I felt like shit. Maybe even worse.

"Just take me home."