𝚆𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝙸𝚝'𝚜 𝙻𝚒𝚔𝚎 𝙻𝚒𝚟𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚆𝚒𝚝𝚑 𝙰𝚂𝙿𝙳!

♔𝐿𝑦𝑖𝑛𝑔

"People with Antisocial Personality Disorder find it easy to lie and manipulate people as they please."

Now lying, for most people, is a defense to get yourself out of unwanted situations or maybe even to prevent hurting someone's feelings.

Lying for me has been extremely unconscious. By the time I was 15, lying became the backbone of who I was. I would lie for several different reasons.

It made me sound cooler.

Again, I was desperate for self-validation. I would tell people things like. "Yeah, I've vaped before" or "Yeah, his friends told me he is in love with me."

It was never to hurt someone, or to make them like me more, after all, none of my friends thought vaping was cool. It was mainly to prove myself, to myself.

It made life easier. I could lie my way out of anything. I could make people feel like they were crazy for ever doubting me or thinking that I was untruthful. And if I had people's trust, I could do what I pleased. So, I guess that part is true. But note that most of my lies were not all "I used to be rich" crap. Most of it was small white lies. Things that were unconscious, and I would most likely forget them after an hour, putting me in a worse pickle.

I could build up and control whoever I wanted to be.

I could make myself cooler, or more interesting within a second. I have been professionally trained in improv since I was young, making lying even easier. Sometimes my lies were just up-plays of true events. Sometimes, my lies were so interesting that people had no choice but to listen. They had no choice but to be excited whenever I opened my mouth to talk, they didn't know that I fed them lies constantly. After all, I was very, very believable.

There is only one person, I cannot lie to. My mother. When I was 8 years old, I found out I was allergic to gluten ( wheat ). As somebody who lived on hotdogs and pasta, this was extremely difficult. Again, lying came in the clutch. Everybody in my family was gluten-free, except for my father. I would sneak into his bread stash, and eat it. If my mother ever caught me, and she did a lot, I would try to lie to her by saying that I didn't know bread has gluten in it. And when you're an 8-year-old, it passes easily as true. I'm not sure if it is mothers instinct or something, but she always got a certain spark in her eye when she found my lie. After years of one-upping my last lie in an attempt to clear my name, I was finally nick-named 'The girl who cried wolf'.

( If you don't know, The boy who cried wolf is a book about a boy that lies constantly. But in an important matter, nobody believes him or trusts him. He had already lost all of their trust, making him regret those years of harmless lies )

     Anyway, when I turned 15, I started realizing that it was not, indeed, normal for kids to lie as much as I did.

I was having dinner with my family when we somehow had gotten on the topic of my demanding tendencies. My mother had been joking about the situation and had stated how she could start calling me her 'little sociopath'. I had no clue what 'sociopath' meant. Sure, I had heard the term used from time to time, but like most people, I thought it only applied to heartless monsters, and I knew that wasn't me.

I had gone to my room after dinner and began researching the topic, leading me to ASPD. As most teenagers tend to do, I decided to take a bunch of childish online quizzes. ( We will talk about this more later. ) I was completely confused when several of the quizzes had stated that I had a moderate chance of being diagnosed with ASPD. That led me to research more into the disorder...