SAUDADE

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    One message

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One message. A single wassup sent through Facebook led Hanai to the only man that could ever make her lose her footing. Over a year, Kareem's husky voice and piercing ebony eyes became as ingrained as Hanai's unconscious thought to breathe. Every time she answered his video calls, it was as if time collapsed into one speck then exploded at light speed. She could never grow tired of tracing his features with her eyes. His chiseled jaw, plump hyper-pigmented lips, but Hanai's favorite was Kareem's smile.

A chuckle escaped Hanai's glossed lips as she reminisced on the first day they talked. Hanai was skeptical of Kareem's intentions, which was reasonable considering puberty hit her early and with double d breasts as gifts. Much to Hanai's surprise, after weeks of waiting, Kareem didn't make a move. Not one sexual comment or plea for nudes. Hanai felt safe, respected even. On that, the two built an impenetrable bond. For the next three years, Hanai and Kareem were inseparable. They messaged every day, and when that wasn't enough, Kareem mustered up the courage to video call for the first time. Through that app, the one hundred and forty-three miles between them vanished.

During those three years, they learned each other: every insecurity, trauma, and scar. In that time, hearts intertwined, and romance sparked. Kareem assured Hanai and built her confidence every day without irritation. Since Hanai reciprocated everything she received, she made herself a safe place. It took a little longer than expected, but Kareem opened up to her. Under all the jokes and smiles he'd been through a world of pain. Hanai never told Kareem about the moment she realized she loved him. After he'd shared a troubling home life compared to her stable one, she couldn't sleep. That was the moment, on the scratchy brown carpet of her bedroom at three in the morning. Nobody else's problems got under Hanai's skin like this.

By the time they reached high school, video calling was no longer enough. Hanai saw their downfall coming, but the way it went down, she could've never imagined. It turns out there is no distance rumors can't travel. Just to Hanai's dismay, the rumor was she'd been cheating on Kareem. Little did the school know that was the one thing that triggered Kareem the most.

The following week was a blur for Hanai; it was also the worst week of her life. Hanai and Kareem argued incessantly as she tried to prove she'd been faithful. Hell, she even found the boy they accused her of being with and had him tell Kareem they were lying. It wasn't until he hung up and never answered any of her calls that Hanai realized her pleas had fallen upon deaf ears. The ensuing year was hell for Hanai, but she realized Kareem showed her true unconditional love when the relationship was good. Hanai also understood with his past; he couldn't trust her one hundred and forty-three miles away.

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