Reincarnating into a Beautiful Woman

Chapter 89

"Stop it! Everyone is looking." Celine said faintly, although her movements were feeble.

This angered the emperor more, although she was placed onto his bed rather delicately and carefully. The way he handled her was surprisingly careful despite his rage. She widened her eyes as she sat on his bed.

"What's the point in following us to war and wanting us to win when you're dying on me! We all suffered through a horrendous loss and killed more lives than you ever did. But you don't see us moping around and eating nothing." He exploded on her, staring at her with a regretful look. He scanned her body closely and saw how thin Celine had become, and he let go out of fear from hurting her.

"I don't know either." Celine panicked, clenching onto her heart. "You can't just tell me to stop feeling this way. It's hard for me too. I'm sick of crying all the time."

"You were never once like this." He reminded her.

"Then you don't know me! Stop acting like you know me! I'm not the same girl from your past life! " She hit his chest, although Akihiko didn't feel a thing because her hands continued to tremble. "I'm Celine, but I'm also Yeon-Woo. I carry scars too. You don't know what I've been through or how I feel. I didn't even want to be here in the first place. I enjoyed my first life." 

The words were harsh and cruel, yet Celine stated at him remorsefully. Although he was concerned for her, Celine felt as if his words weren't fair. She had done a lot of work for the army besides killing the enemies. It was as if he was disregarding her emotions and trauma just because she didn't physically train or fight like the rest of the soldiers. Was she not allowed to feel anxious or depressed from war because she didn't deserve to?

However, instead of explaining herself, she sat back down, because her stomach began to ache in pain. Her back had also begun to hurt, and there were aches in different parts of her body every hour.

The emperor's eyes were red and burning with anger. He realized that perhaps Celine felt as if he unfairly pulled her back to hell when she was living in paradise. Although, Akihiko was in the wrong, he was still livid. He was extremely hurt by her blunt words, and wondered if the man in her previous life was better than him.

"Did you not want to be next to me? Did the past two decades mean nothing to you? Do you still feel as if we're strangers?" He spit out bitterly. "I'm sorry that I took you away from your loving husband then. I'm sure you must hate me!" 

"No that's not what I mean. . ." Celine frowned.

"I'm just worn out from the war and I feel as if you don't appreciate or recognize what I did for you or the army. I'm not as strong as I make myself out to be in public. I'm not the overly optimistic Celine your past memories too. You're not understanding how bad I feel after all those innocent lives were lost. Do the deaths of innocent men not wear you down? Do you not feel guilt or sorrow that your own brother is dead?" Celine regretted her last question immediately and silently cursed herself, clamping her mouth shut. Although they were brothers, she had never really seen them connect well. In the Zionitte Empire, Akihiko was an outcast and could never foster his relationship with the Crown Prince who was loved by everyone. She was too weak to apologize and watched Akihiko's distorted expression grow worse.

"I don't have fond memories of him, except that he always loved you. I hated him because he was your fiance, and those are the only feelings I've had." He clenched his jaw, recalling the way Akihiko had felt depressed as he couldn't deny how perfect they once looked for each other. She was as pretty as a full moon, while Laith was as brilliant as a sun. Meanwhile, the second prince was the piece that didn't fit into the picture. "However, even if I had fond memories of him, I firmly believe that it's better that he died. If he survived, he'd face endless guilt that would eventually consume him. It's also his fault for bringing Zavia anyways, brainwashed or not." 

As Akihiko began to talk more about his suppressed feelings of jealousy, Celine realized her fault and how much he had suffered in his one sided love. Her gaze turned soft as he apologized for lashing out at Celine. "I apologize for making you feel such a way, it's not what I meant. I was just mad that you weren't taking care of your well being first."

Celine nodded, as if she understood. "I'm sorry for asking too. . ."

"We're also bringing him along with us and he'll be given a proper burial near the refugees. He's still respected by many. He was just a victim." The emperor's voice softened. "You did what you could. Don't you think it is time to move on and live well for those who died?"

She nodded again slowly, knowing that she had to gather herself if she wanted to face her family back home.

"Us humans, we're not meant to suffer meaninglessly. It's okay to be sad, cry, and be angry. We can't help how we feel. However, we can control our actions, and the power to become better is always in our hands. We're here to help one another, just as you taught me long ago." He embraced her, warming up her cold, shivering shoulders with his body. He pat her carefully, talking softly until her heart seemed to calm down. "I want you as my empress, and I will always love you. Every breath I drew was for you, and my heart is wholly at your side. However, I can't pursue a woman who chooses to remain weak and drown in guilt. I want you to love yourself before I ask you to lean on me as a man."

Then, Akihiko released her, carefully lifting her chin up towards him and giving her a soft kiss. As he pulled away, Celine felt her body grow cold again, as if warmth had left her. 

Then, the emperor gave her an encouraging smile and walked out of the tent, leaving her alone.

She blinked slowly as the words permeated into her heart. Celine wanted to chase after Akihiko and promise him that she would be better, but her legs were too weak. She wanted to stop him from leaving, yet she noticed the outline of Akihiko outside of the tent. She watched him stand guard outside for the rest of the night, eventually falling asleep while staring at his shadow.

Although her body was cold, her heart felt warm.

"If you do this, how can I not fall in love with you."