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"GRAHH"
Roy's scream was loud and clear. His body was slightly shaking, teeth gritting trying not to be too loud. He was trying his best to not wake Jade, but he was pretty sure his scream did the job, not to mention the fact that he was holding onto her hand for comfort the entire time, squeezing it extra tight to feel her.
"That was... some scream..." Jade said with a yawn to her voice. She was still holding onto him, both arms around either side of him. She pulled him in closer, using him as the little spoon, despite the fact that she was smaller than him. "Are you okay?"
"I... I don't know, I..." Roy still shook as he tried to explain it. It was some nightmare he was having. More of the usual things. Death, loneliness, abandonment. With Jade, he didn't really think about those things as much as he did before, but they crept up every now and then, especially in his sleep, in a time when he couldn't control his thoughts.
Jade brushed his hair from behind, her long nails grazing his skin, leaving brief hints of scratches in his head while she pet him like a kitten. "Shhh," she whispered into his hear while she rubbed his head. "It's okay. Just a dream. I'm here."
Roy's shaking was calming down a little, though the stress was still there. His heart was beating immensely inside of him. This would have been much easier if he knew what to fear, even that wasn't there. He was just... afraid. Of something, like an irrational thought flowing through him.
Jade's hold was slowly calming him down. Roy could fend for himself — he's always had to. But he didn't need to do with that with Jade. With her, he could rely on someone. He didn't have to constantly worry and fret in fear of judgement or pain. He didn't have to always think and think and think. He could just... be. Her mere presence made him feel safe. She would protect him from anything. Her wrath was deadly and ruthless, and it was one of the things he loved about her. He knew there was nothing he couldn't face with her.
She leaned into his face, placing several kisses on his cheek and neck. "It's okay, baby... it'll all be okay," she kept saying between the kisses.
Roy let out slight moans and huffs in response. "I'm s-sorry, Jade... I shouldn't have... shouldn't have woken you..." He leaned his head back, giving her a better position to continue. Even though he knew she'd be there for him for anything, he still felt guilty about waking her. About troubling her. She didn't deserve to be burdened with his troubles and issues. He was a complex individual, and his demons ran deep.
Jade had been through more things than anyone he'd ever known combined. The world has not been kind to her in the slightest, but she was still here. Roy loved her, but he hated burdening her with his troubles. She'd been through more than anyone should. She didn't deserve to worry about his problems, about his complexities. In Roy's eyes, Jade deserved to be admired and worshipped, she deserves a good and better life. He wanted to make things easier for her, finally give her the chance to live the happy life that she deserved.
That was perhaps one of his biggest fears. The fear that as long as she was with him, she wouldn't be able to get that.
Roy was someone that tried to hide from his problems, ignore them and pretend like everything was okay. It made sense to him. He thought it made it easier to move forward, but normally that was only when he was just by himself. He'd spend the entire day ignoring his problems and complexities when faced with the world, but when he was alone, at night when no one was watching, when no one could see him... that was when he would always have his breakdowns. When he'd let his thoughts take over, when he lets loose and stops putting on the brave face. There was no more image to maintain, no more people he had to impress or maintain a face for. It was when he could finally let it all out, when he was all alone.
No one would ever see him like that. No one other than Jade, of course.
He turned around, their eyes coming face to face now. One hand was still held onto her, while the other slid under her body, trying to feel some of the warmth she radiated. It made him feel more comfortable. Jade's own hand kept rubbing Roy's head, longer fingers caressing his hair softly.
"I don't know what it is, Jade, I'm just..." Roy had a hesitation in his voice. He was sounding a little lower, slight whimpers coming out like he was afraid. "I'm just scared. So scared. There's like this... this mounting pressure that I keep feeling. It's... I don't know, it's ridiculous... it's nothing, I shouldn't even be say —"
His words were cut off when Jade put a finger to his lips. He simply puckered up, eyes staring at hers as he shut up. When Jade takes authority, Roy always listens.
He slightly perked his eyes up, like he was asking her why she made him shut up.
"You're talking nonsense once again, sweetheart," she replied, a confident overtone to her voice. "You are not being ridiculous, nor should you stop yourself from expressing how you truly feel."
She moved her finger away, her eyes now looking at him warmly as her face slowly got closer.
"At least... not from me..."
Roy could hear his heart beating again. It was different this time, though. It wasn't the same kind of nervousness and anxiety that puckered through him earlier. This beating heart was one he actually liked. It was warmth and love, admiration and safety, the disbelief that Jade was here for him, that she's been here for him, and that she always would be.
Roy was so afraid of everyone and everything. Afraid of being judged, mistreated, left alone and forgotten. Being tossed away like he was nothing, like no one even considered him for just a moment. He was labelled as an outsider, and in many ways he was. He didn't try to be. In fact, he tried the opposite. He wanted to fit in, to strive and be better. He has been better, but no one would ever see that. No one would ever let him properly believe it.
Not Jade, though. With Jade, it didn't matter whether he rose high or fell low. He could just be himself. He could just be Roy. There was no worry of trying to impress. He was who he was, and that was always enough for her.
Maybe nothing else even mattered when he was with her. He'd been latched onto the rest of the world and trying to be something impossible for so long. Perhaps he could let go of everyone and everything when all he needed was Jade. Jade was the only one who ever truly accepted him and let him be, and she was the only one whose thoughts mattered to him.
"I love you," he finally said, voice void of any nerves and tension. He leaned into her neck and rested his head there, while she wrapped her arms around him and held him tightly for the rest of the night.
