Pornography: The Ripple Effect

Ashley's Story

          My big sister meant the world to me.

          Growing up, ever since I can remember, me being nothing more than a toddler, she was always there for me. Even before I could recall my first days, my dad would tell me stories about how she'd feed me in my booster seat, always putting a smile across my young face. One time he showed me videos he took of us on our old camcorder, letting me know how sweet and loving she was with me. Just like the small, innocent child I was, I couldn't help but always look up to her.

          As we got older, we stayed side by side. I always felt safe around her presence, knowing she was there to stand up for me. My fondest memories will always be the great times we had together in the fall season. We'd form giant piles of red and brown autumn leaves, jumping into them and laughing like the joyful siblings we were. Our mother would always call us in for hot cocoa and cookies afterward, and we'd all sit around the fire and talk about what a great day we had.

          But as we kept getting older, I started to notice changes in her personality. I couldn't see the old her anymore, as we were now entering our teen years. My sister became rather closed off with our family, and my parents were starting to become aware of her new behaviour behind their backs. Things they both disapproved of, and were not going to tolerate.

          At first, I wasn't too concerned about this. I felt that maybe she was just going through a teenage phase. But as time went on, I started to hardly even recognize the girl I once looked up to with so much pride. I went on to her Instagram page and saw all these pictures of her posing in more provocative and sexual outfits. I'm not saying this was a bad thing, but it's different when it's your family and someone you look up to.

          When we were both in middle school together, me in my first year, her in her last, I soon became aware that my sister was labelled as that girl who sleeps with every guy. Again, I'm not trying to say this was a bad thing, but it wasn't easy for me when peers amongst us would bring it up behind my back, and sometimes even right to my face.

          I did feel some relief when she graduated to high school, but her name always seemed to linger around my presence like a bad stench of old gossip. It just seemed everyone kept asking me about her. The guys all loved her for obvious reasons, and all the girls deemed her as the tramp of the century, even labelling her as a nasty hoe that did "slutty shit" for attention. This deeply hurt me when I heard people talk of her like this. But I was the polar opposite of my sister and shy, so I never really spoke up for her, and I feel bad about that, even to this day.

          But even if I had stepped up for her, there was hardly anything I could do, as she continued to build a worse reputation as I entered high school with her. It seemed every other day there was a new rumour spreading around, and this one being how she was now trying to get into porn when she became of the legal age. It was like the school hallways knew more about her than my own family and I. Whenever I tried to occasionally talk to her, the very rare times she was alone at home and not out with older guys, she'd always brush me off and say the rumours weren't true. Of course, my parents would confront her as well, but she always found a way to mingle herself out of any argument.

          And when she finally hit that age, my sister did become a pornstar. I couldn't believe it. I promise I'm not a judgmental person, but as someone who had always been so happy and safe around this particular individual, I just couldn't seem to accept the reputation that came at the hands of me and my family's cost. After my sister graduated, she moved out with her boyfriend and began her career in the industry for good. And my God, that would be the start of a hell I never knew coming.

          Returning for my sophomore year, those classmates of mine would never...ever let me off the hook. I had already been battered and reminded that my sister was a whore, but it all escalated that particular year when her scenes were now getting thousands and thousands of views on specific websites. Never to this day have I watched them, but always heard the gruesome details around the school of boys watching her movies, and girls sick to their stomachs about how I was related to her.