Remember when we were sitting outside in our favorite place and just looking at the sky?
I loved it because then it was just the two of us, no one else mattered. This was our second meeting. You first came to me on the street and we started talking about it. Then you provided your phone number, and then we arranged for the next appointment. We were just grooves here. At the third meeting, we were already sitting down to eat, it was like a smooth meal for you, but more for me. Since we had talked a lot on the phone already, we started to get to know each other and I started to realize that I felt something for you. I had no idea what that feeling was, so I told my sister. He immediately made me feel in love, and I insulted him. We didn't talk for 3 days. Then the meetings came more and more often, and I felt more and more about you. When we were very close, you took my hand. They did nothing but you clasped our fingers together and so we walked on the road. Remember when I first told you how I felt? We were sitting on the beach, that is, you were lying on my lap, and I simply stated. -I like it.-I stared at the sea when I told you that while I was playing with your hair. “Come on?” You sat up in surprise and looked at me. "I like it," I repeated that little word. "Serious?" He asks in a surprised voice. "Yes and you know, very much." "I can't believe you really like me." I didn't need any more, I kissed you. His lips fit perfectly with mine and he simply kissed me so softly that I never wanted it to end.-Now maybe I can believe it.-He cheeks at me before I start chirping at him. He laughs out loud and tries to climb out of my arms, but I won't let him. Louis has always been tickled. Remember when I first said I love you and our very first lovemaking? We were at the beginning of our first lovemaking, we have been here together for almost half a year. I trusted you, but I was so scared. But you showed me how to treat me with care. That's when I first said it. When I lay in front of you with a blank body, and you almost rested your chest on my chest. When I said it, you immediately got my gaze on me and told me how much you love me in everything. This distracted me and I could barely feel that you were already in me. If you knew how wonderful it felt. You were careful and tender. Soft and attentive. I thanked you a thousand times that night, but it will never be enough.
Do you remember the very first family dinner?
Our mothers teamed up and cooked together. It was a beautiful evening. My mom really loved your mom, Johannah. I also looked at her as a second mother.
Remember the first dad conversation?
Robin and Mark got together with us and we started talking about the future. I said I wanted a kitten, you say that you are prefer a dog. On this went the discussion of whether it was a kitten or a dog, and then Mark came up with the idea to have both and get used to them. So it became Clifford and Gareth. You gave the cat a really weird name, but I reconciled with it because at least I could have a kitten. Then Robin said he wanted to do more with the kitten, so we bought one for him too. His name became Jhon. He fell in love with it and they got along well with Gareth. We loved each other’s father very much, even if we knew he wasn’t the real father of any of us, but we looked at them that way and loved them that way.
Do you remember our first day in our house?
We did a house party, we invited all our acquaintances. It’s true that we didn’t have too many friends, but we had just enough. We had such a party that we had to reassemble one of the cabinets. We had a lot of fun.
Do you remember the day before you left?
I do. You're not anymore. It was horrible to see you come home drunk and simply smash everything. To this day, I have no idea why you did it. I won't even find out anymore.
Do you remember September 28th?
We planned the wedding for this day. Everything was organized, we did everything we could to succeed. We already bought the suits. A week before the wedding day, I was standing in this suit at your funeral.
I have been writing these last two details ever since. I read the rest, at your funeral, sobbing. I mean, I wanted to. I couldn't. I couldn't watch you lying in the coffin. I couldn't watch you leave here. Alone. It’s been two years since then, and every year, on the day of your death, I write a new detail here. Today it doesn't go on. This is my last entry, and I will put it on the counter in an envelope with the inscription, "Please put it in our common grave when it is placed next to it."
I love you Louis. H ~
