To Speak One Word

2. Runaway

I had to turn away. I couldn't look at her anymore. She looked like all the life had been sucked out. Was she breathing? I waited a moment, with my back still to her, after I took a few steps. Yes, I heard her breathing. It was irregular, but it was there. What if I caused her an actual medical emergency? She was so fragile, I wouldn't be surprised if I couldn't even do this without physically hurting her. This was probably the only time I was thankful I couldn't read her mind.
I vanished from her even further. I went up into the trees, and saw her running.
"No." I whispered to myself, "Please, Bella. Just go back home."
I had to get back to my car before she thought to wait there for me. Was she going to be safe? What if I made everything even more unsafe for her by doing this? She promised me she wouldn't do anything reckless. I considered her running through the woods reckless, but I had to stick to my plan.
I jumped down from a tree, back inside my car in a solid second. I sat there nearly unable to move. I couldn't leave her alone in the woods. But the note I left would give Charlie an idea of where to start looking. God, he was going to detest me after this.
How could I know for sure she was going to be safe? That someone would find her? I drove my car further down the road and waited. A few cars passed, but no one I recognized. Then, the chief's car. Then another squad car.
"Okay, they're going to find her." I whispered to myself. I waited another 20 minutes, just to be sure. My cell phone was vibrating every 2 minutes; my family had no idea where I was. They were about to leave. I ignored them.
I drove for hours, still ignoring my cell phone. The vibrations from it slowly came to a stop. I figured that meant they all left already. Alice must have seen me waiting to ensure Bella's safety.
I ended up at the Canadian boarder, and decided to catch a flight somewhere. Canada and Alaska would be the first places someone would go looking for me. Rio was another favorite, and I had bought a small place there decades ago. Perfectly far away.
As I sat on the airplane waiting completely impatiently for it to take off, I called Alice. She was with Jasper, Carlisle and Esme.
"Where the hell are you? Why did you leave us?"
I rolled my eyes, "I'm not leaving you guys, Alice. Can I please just go sulk somewhere by myself? Please? I'll call you when I land."
"When you land?" Her voice louder. "Why couldn't you at least tell us you were planning on going somewhere else?"
I didn't answer. Luckily Carlisle took the phone from Alice.
"Be safe, my son. Do call us when you land." He sounded stern but still pleased to hear from me, "Are you alright?"
"Oh, yeah. I'm great."
"Please be safe, Edward," Esme now had the phone, "Come back to us whenever you're ready." She sounded sad about my leaving as well.
I wished now that vampires could sleep. But I was sure Bella would penetrate my dreams if I could.
•
My flight landed in perfect timing with the sunrise, that I could make it to my humble place still in darkness. I threw my bag on the floor and went right to the window I used to spend all of my time here staring out of. Rio was never completely silent, but these hours were the quietest.
"Oh," I rolled my eyes. I forgot to call Alice.
"Hello." She answered so blankly.
"I landed, I'm okay."
She didn't respond.
"Okay, well I-"
"Was Bella okay?" She interrupted, sourly.
The sound of her name rung painfully in my ears. I still wasn't even sure she was okay. I was hoping Alice saw something about it by now. The fact Alice asked by saying 'was' made me worried.
"Did you see anything yet? About- her?" I stuttered.
"Only that she's alive. I saw her in the house, not the woods anymore."
I sighed, "Okay, that's enough then. I'll call you again soon." I hung up.
Bella was back in Charlie's house. That's all I needed to know. I wouldn't allow myself to think anymore. It was time to hunt. I had approximately 2 hours until the sun would fully rise. Hunting was the easiest and fastest way to not think. At least while the hunt lasted.
•
Back at my place, the distraction didn't last nearly as long as I hoped. My eyes felt back to normal, and I was no longer hungry. But I felt this extreme weight on my chest, like it was actually about to crack. I held my hand against it - I felt so incredibly hollow. What was Bella doing? Was she okay? Did she despise me? Was she hurting? Stop. I ordered myself. I hoped Alice would call with an update. I sat in the bed with my back propped up, and it reminded me of her bedroom. When she used to curl next to me and sleep. I moved my hand around slowly in the air.
"Bella, I'm sorry." I whispered out loud. Stop it. I commanded myself again. In one year, she won't even remember you, and you deserve that.
I don't think I thought Rio through. As the sun rose in the sky, the light came into the small, simple bedroom and kissed my hand. I played with the light. Like diamonds. I wouldn't be able to go anywhere. I wouldn't be able to distract myself here. My only option was to sit in this bed and think of her. I guess I did that on purpose, I wanted to suffer. I wanted to punish myself for everything I've put her
through. When night falls, I thought to myself, I will run. I will run from coast to coast if I have to; I cannot sit here and think of her.
Why couldn't I have to ability to sleep. Should I try? I closed my eyes for a moment, then quickly popped them back open. Not going to happen. The daydreams behind my eyelids were not survivable.
My cell phone rang. I looked up. The sun was setting. Wow. Hopefully the rest of my life will move this quickly. Without Bella, I'm sure it would. My cell phone rang again. Alice. I let it ring.
•
The moon was just starting to come up, so I decided to run up each mountain I could see - even could find. I wanted to see how far I'd end up. How far I could go without thinking. My chances of running into a human on these mountains at these hours were slim. The chances of them even seeing me were more slim. So these chances, I took. Chances. Just like Bella always took with me and my family. Chances she took because she trusted us. Trusted a vampire clan.
She was a part of the family more than we would have ever imagined in the beginning. Even when I read Rosalie's mind, through all the anger and jealousy, she liked her. Emmett already calling her "little sister". Jasper already having heart ache over almost hurting her. Alice... head over heels. And my parents, welcoming her into our home like she already lived there with me. And there I was, holding her hostage from her teenage years. Holding her hostage from getting to know her father more. Holding her from the new friends she made. I was the monster I warned her of. That's why. That's why I had to leave. She deserved more than I was giving her. But I also, deep down, felt I could give her more than anyone else could. Shut up! I warned myself. You're insane. I jumped into the water without allowing myself a second to think about it. I needed to find something that would shut my mind up. The water felt nice, but running was nicer.
I ran as fast as I could until I was on top of another mountain. It was looking over the water, facing directly toward Christ the Redeemer. I sat down on a tree branch high up to stare back at the statue. Bella would have loved this view. It was nothing but stone without her here.