To Speak One Word

6. Dormant

My hand was frozen in place of how it was holding the phone, but I was no longer holding it. I saw it from the corner of my eye laying open on the bed. I wasn't able to move, but my insides were screaming and burning. I saw myself yelling and ripping the walls down, but on the outside I was as motionless as settled snow.
Would Rosalie truly appreciate a joke like this? I thought to myself. Would she actually joke about this?
I replayed the short conversation over 100 times in a matter of seconds, making sure I heard the words correctly, analyzing every word and the exact tone of her voice. She didn't sound like she was joking, but she also didn't seem phased or sympathetic.
"Edward, I'm not sure if Alice spoke to you yet, but the fact that you're even answering the phone most likely means no."
My mind was on fire, and nearly every part of my body failed. If Alice spoke to you yet, I repeated to myself at inhuman speeds inside my own mind. If this was a joke, she wouldn't include her sister in it.
"Alice saw something, so she went back to Forks. She saw Bella jump off of a cliff. She saw Bella kill herself."
I still couldn't physically move. I saw myself murdering a whole town, and bathing in the audacity of the monster I truly am. I felt an unnerving anger toward everything. I felt anger toward Alice for not calling me.
Unable to call her, I forced myself to reach back for the phone to confirm this through someone else. Someone who I knew would blame me for this as well, and most certainly tell me the truth. I saw small tears in my arm, where my fingernails went into. I wasn't even able to grasp the phone. I didn't realize my fingernails were digging into my own skin, trying to keep myself standing in a very strange, bent up position.
After staring at the phone for another couple moments, I quickly grabbed it and dialed Charlie Swan's home number.
Someone else answered the phone, which did not calm me anymore. I wasn't able to recognize the voice.
"This is Edward Cullen. Could I speak to Chief Swan, please."
"He's not here, he's at the funeral."
The phone disconnected, and I crushed the phone into a thousand pieces. The voice was Jacob Black. One of Bella's friends. The tone of his voice confirmed resentment, truth, disgust, and sadness. If one of Bella's friends was at their house, answering calls for her father, was enough evidence for me that Charlie was incapable and they all knew it was my fault.
I stood in the same position without moving a centimeter until the sun was low enough. My plan was already mostly prepared, and I knew where I had to go to complete it.
•
Italy. The easiest place for a vampire to expose themself, and the quickest way for a vampire to commit suicide with actual guarantee.
I walked slowly down a hallway being escorted by two large men. My stay with the Volturi was granted. Mainly because they wanted me to stay with them indefinitely. My ability to read minds was priceless to them. Their ability to murder me in half of a second was priceless to me. I had little knowledge of the meeting that was just conducted with myself and them. I didn't recall even saying anything.
The plan was set. As soon as the sun was at the highest point in the sky tomorrow, I would walk amongst the humans to expose myself, and consider killing every single one of them as quickly as I could to get the Volturi's attention, which really wouldn't take long at all. Then they would bring me back, rip my head off, burning the remains until I was a fragment of imaginations. I would no longer exist in a matter of seconds. I refused to live in a world without Bella Swan, and I refused to allow myself to live after ultimately causing her to do this.
I sat dormant in a room with concrete walls and one small window at the very top of one of them. I didn't move, speak, think or pay attention to my hunger. My skin was nearly translucent again, and my vision blurred and not as sharp. The Volturi definitely noticed my state, and without me explaining anything, the assumed I left my family and had been on the run from them, not adhering to Carlisle's vegetarian lifestyle. They noticed my eyes were pitch black, and I barely had a voice anymore. Surprisingly enough, it seemed some of them were actually concerned, but still more so interested in keeping me there to use me as a tool.
I was offered blood for nourishment and a change of clothes. I rejected both, while the items sat in the room with me. The blood was extremely unappetizing and the clothes were a childish way to express sympathy.
I almost felt excitement to die. This was something I deserved from the moment I brought Bella into my life. I knew this day was going to come, that I would eventually be the cause of her death. And humorously enough, Rosalie was the one to break this news of Bella's death to me; she was the only one who knew this would happen, too. Honestly, she was very much my sister. We were unapologetically similar. Alice on the other hand, had such a strong love and connection toward me, she wanted to protect me before actually telling me.
I played memories in the mind of laying in the field with Bella, looking into each other's eyes, falling in love. Memories of her sleeping. Memories of her scent, her skin, her lips. Memories of having to suck venom out of her from James's bite, thinking she was going to die. Memories of telling her parents she fell down a stair case, when in all actuality, I was the reason she was in the hospital. Memories of pushing her far too hard away from Jasper's cold predator eyes, and ripping her arm open.
I honored the happy memories with her and was thankful for them, but I was aware of the damaging ones for her, too.
My mind was stuck on and lost in the fact that she was gone. If she never met me, she would be alive. She deserved to be alive. I was a God forsaken monster, and I could barely stand being with myself.
•
I believe I started screaming again, because one of the large men burst into the room I was in. His loud entrance snapped me out of it and I looked around confused. I had thought I was back in Rio waiting on an update from Alice on how Bella was doing.
The man threw the bag of blood closer to me, "Eat."
He left in a blur of motion. I couldn't tell if they were trying to help me, or if I was now being held prisoner. Either way, I would be dead soon. The smell of the blood was near revolting.
I kept my eye on the window above me, waiting for the sunlight.