Sweet Revenge

Chapter 26

Thursday morning, Gulf found himself seated on a comfortable couch in a dimly lit room, a scented candle in the corner calming his nerves and making him feel relaxed. There were a bunch of soft cushions on the couch and he ended up cuddling one, playing with the design to keep himself occupied.

"Do you know why you're here?"

The therapist, Dr Vin gently asked after 5 minutes of introducing himself and his credentials then five more minutes of assuring confidentiality of their conversation and trying to make Gulf feel comfortable. His voice was enchanting and so soothing. Even when he seemed like he was bragging about his accomplishments, Gulf somehow found comfort. That was the effect of his voice.

"Because I cut my wrist?" He answered hiding his wrist behind the cushion.

"Would you like to tell me why you did it?"

"It was the easiest choice I had."

"What was the hardest choice?"

Gulf gripped the cushion, anxious.

"It's ok. Take your time." The therapist smiled warmly, his eyes twinkling with understanding. Gulf felt safe.

"I had to choose."

"Choosing is really hard." The Dr Vin tried to relate. "What were the options?"

"My mother and a man."

"You couldn't have both?"

Gulf shook his head.

"Why not? I think that could've been the easiest choice."

"My mother would not have liked it." And this was Gulf's biggest worry.

"Did she tell you that?"

"No,"

"Then you should have asked her."

"She's dead." Gulf's eyes watered.

"I'm sorry to hear that. So how do you know she would've hated it?"

"A gay man broke her marriage." He sighed embarrassed.

"So you think your mother would hate it if you're gay?"

"Yes." Gulf was not hesitant.

"Because her marriage was ruined by a gay boy?" The dr asked for clarity.

"No. Because I got involved with the gay boy who ruined her marriage."

The doctor nodded now understanding the complexity of the matter, "was he your father's lover?"

Gulf nodded feeling uncomfortable.

"And by got involved do you mean a fling?"

Gulf shook his head and held his thigh, "I had sex with him and I think I have some kind of feelings towards him."

"Good feelings?"

Were they good feelings? He thought for a minute but he couldn't come up with a definite answer.

"I don't know."

"Would you like to explain the feelings?"

Gulf thought about the entanglement they had. "You know when you're poor and you see something you really want to have but you can't have it because you don't have money? That feeling."

Dr Vin thought about it. "Something that you need but something can't have?"

"Exactly!"

"Because of your mother?"