I Kept My Promise - #ModernLoveContest

Chapter 6

I know this is kind of silly, but it sort of hurt my ego that I had put in that much work and he didn't even come close to finishing. I feel like most guys are just always ready to pop at any second.

I decided to google it. I found a few Reddit pages from other women who had the same question.

Did he have a few beers? Yes, we drank a bit

It's harder to cum with a condom. Okay, yes, but... is it that hard?

You should just ask. You know what? Fair.

Would you ever partake in dirty texting? I hear it has a 0% chance of pregnancy.

I won't tell you what I started off with, but I will let you know what I ended with.

How often do you touch yourself?

Sometimes I'll go for months at a time.

Months because you're just not thinking about it?

Yeah.

Shut the front door, that's some pretty Ace-like behavior.

I've wondered that about myself.

You can call it whatever you want. I just like the terminology because it means there's someone else out there like me.

Yeah, I'm still trying to figure it out.

You don't have to know anything for sure, Boo. People change a lot during a lifetime and your idea of yourself will too.

That's true.

Back in February, I had my first gynecology appointment. My pap came back normal and I didn't need STD testing because I've never had unprotected sex. I told her that the pill had given me some pretty awful side effects, so she said maybe the hormonal IUD would be better to help with my debilitating cramps and heavy periods. I didn't care about pregancy because, like I have said before, sex is kind of a special occasion for me.

"You don't go through highs and lows like with the pills since it's directly giving you progestin at a constant rate. The use of the mechanism is completely different."

Getting a piece of plastic inserted in my cervix sounded less than ideal, but if I was going to try having sex with Rick, maybe it would be smart to consider it again.

My Planned Parenthood Telehealth check in was a thick black girl with pink dreads in a white tank top. She sat in her room while her cat poked through the door.

"So you have 'other' listed as your sexual identity? Can I ask what you identify as?"

"Ace. Asexual."

She looked surprised, but still nodded her head and jotted that down.

"I don't want to sound ignorant, but what is asexuality?"

"Oh no, you're fine." Most people think we're a myth, like the lockness monster or bigfoot. Although actually, asexuality probably seems more unlikely than the mythical creatures to most people. "I mean, it means different things to different people, but mostly I don't have a high libido."

"I wish I had that!"

I laughed. "And some people just don't typically experience sexual attraction. Like for me it takes a long while to feel physically attracted to someone." I think not seeing any human beings for a year and texting Rick for 3 weeks helped. Before Rick, I've really only had consensual sex once my whole life.

"And there's a lot of vocabulary within the Ace community that I don't expect everyone to know. I'm just a queer cocktail, I guess."

"So is that like, you need a romantic attraction for physical attraction?"

"That's more like Demisexuality. I kind of don't care if I have sex either way."

"Man, my last girlfriend, they're actually non-binary now, my last ex was like 'I think you're addicted to sex.' I wish I was like that. Is there a rainbow on your jacket?"

"Yeah."

"Awe, it's so cute."

"Thank you I stitched it myself."

"I like learning about all the new vocabulary. Cause like before I just thought I was bi. Like, I've always liked women. I've always known this about myself. But then I realized I'm more like, pan because... I don't really care about gender, you know?"

"Yeah, for sure."

"So thank you for teaching me."

My telehealth specialist was a little old woman who clearly had been doing this for decades.

"How long should I keep it in until I should for sure take it out?"

"What do you mean?"

"Like, with the pill it typically takes 3 months before spotting stops."

"No, if you don't like it, at any point, then take it out. Don't let some jackass gyno say, since it's in, it's got to stay."

I really liked this lady.

"You come to me and say, 'I want this thing out,' then do that. Don't let anyone pressure you into anything else."

"Got it."

"So let's push this to briefly after your period, about 2 weeks from now, that will give you time to think about it. And if you change your mind you can just cancel."

All I want is when I am her age, I am just as no nonsense and helpful.