Unbreakable

All I Could Do Was Cry

His hands swipe over my scarred arms, I jump lightly at the touch. I hated when people touched my arms. He looks up at me and smile. Deep down I knew this was wrong, I knew I should've stopped, but I was broken, and he felt like the only one who knew how to fix it.

"Why did you do this"?

I could feel the tears build up, and I tried my hardest to push them back, as I try to come up with an answer to his question.

"I wanted to feel something".

That's the only answer I had; I mean I wasn't lying. I wanted to feel something, but it went deeper than that, and I didn't know if I had the guts to tell him the truth. I pulled my arm back when he first touched it, hoping he would catch the hint that I didn't want to be touched there. He grabs my arm again with force. Not enough to hurt me but to let me know that he was going against my wishes. He looked me in the eye, with what I was imagining, love.

" You are the strongest person I know, these are your battle wounds, and you should never be ashamed of them. You are loved, needed, and wanted.

He said it with enough force to make me weak. It was still wrong, Because deep down I knew he had a girlfriend, deep down I knew I was never going to be first choice, but he sounded so believable. I needed to hear that, I needed to feel that. I felt the tears I was holding fall down my face, and he gracefully wiped them away. His eyes held so much passion it scared me. He began to kiss me, and without a thought I kissed him back. He took off my shirt, and I quickly hid my body. He unwrapped my arms from around me, and smiles.
" You have no idea how beautiful you are"
I smile back, and we continued on making sweet passionate love. It was over, and the high came down. Reality hit like a bitch. I ran to the bathroom, and realized the mistake I made. He tries to get in but I lock the door.
"I'm taking a shower"
I yell. I can hear his feet as he retreat from the door. I turn the hot shower on and proceed to try and wash away my guilt. How could I do this, how could I sleep with someone knowing he has a girlfriend. But he loves me, should it matter? Hour and a half later, I step out the shower, skin burning and red. I wrap myself up, get dressed and try to sneak myself out the bathroom. He see's me and smile.
"You know I love you right"?
I freeze, not knowing what to do. Should I be happy.. but what about her?
"You have a girlfriend".
I say with my head down.
" I do, but for right now I have you, and when the time comes. I'll choose between you and her."
My heart broke, and it took all I had not to break down, and cry. A traitorous tear fell, I quickly wiped it away.
" I WILL NOT BE ANYONES SECOND CHOICE ANYMORE. I WILL NOT GIVE MY HEART TO SOMEONE WHO IS GOING POTENTIALLY BREAK IT".
I said with strength though I felt like weak. He has nothing to say but I had a ton.
"Im tired of being someone's second choice, because I've drilled it in my head that, that was what I deserved. I'm tired of being broken, I'm tired of crying, I'm tired of being tired. I love you" I said with a chuckle.
" but I love me More."

I walked out the door with tears in my eyes. my "sister" left, and my heart began to thump loudly in my ears. I walked to a friend's room nearby and sat there thinking of all the dumb mistakes I made.  The guilt was eating me alive, and the judgment I knew I was about to get was there too. I heard the car honk and I just knew who it was.