Tales from the Pantry One

Oh no, Niall! -4

"AHHH!" Niall screamed. Zayn quickly looked over in panic. "I'm so bored." Niall whined. Zayn sighed in relief and went back to preparing coffee. He thanked the universe for not having his nightmares come true.

"If you're so bored, Niall, then how about you help that couple over by the freezer," Liam motioned a hand toward an elderly couple that was struggling to decide on which size of milk they should buy. They were both wearing sweaters that looked like they were plucked straight from the 1980s, and their pants looked like they were bought from the clearance section at Bon Worth. The old woman was leaning heavily on a walker, and the man had one of those old person hearing aids in. Niall almost gagged. Seeing these people reminded him of his terrible fear of growing up. He groaned and walked over towards them.

"Is there anything I could help you with?" Niall asked, putting on a fake smile and a sweet voice.

"Do you sell this gallon at a lower price?" The old man asked. His voice was full of phlegm, and saliva dripped from his mouth when he spoke.

"No sir, we only sell one brand of milk."

"Well then this is BULLSHIT!" the man growled. "I wouldn't pay a dime for this crap, and you're expecting me to pay $2.99 for this? Gertrude, we're leaving!" Gertrude spat viciously at Niall's face. The two turned around to walk out.

"Um... well, we could offer you two a seniors discount?" Niall offered. 

the two struggled to turn around again to face Niall, gunting and groaning in pain ad they did so."Bold of you to assume Dennis and I are seniors, and not handsome young men like yourself," Gurtrude hissed.

"Aye, shut up Gertie. Keep talking, son." The man said. He could feel his inner New York street vendor was coming out to bargain.

"We'll offer you half off for all basic food items like milk," Niall said proudly. He felt like such a businessman.

"Well, I think you've got yourself a d-"

"AAAHHH!" Gertrude screamed. Zayn looked up again, praying his nightmare wasn't possibly about to come true again. "SPIDERS!" She jumped four feet into the air, almost hitting the ceiling. Dennis stuck out his arms, and caught her in the bridal position.

"Learn how to keep a store, ya dirty dog," the man sneered. He ran out of the store with his wife still in his arms. 

"What in the blue potato..." Niall said curiously. He knew that in this store, there had been pinecone piles on the floor, bloodstains on the walls, and wasps out back, but never spiders. Maybe it's some kind of a sign? Just like in Harry Potter! "Louis! You've  got to come over here!"

"What is it?" Louis asked as he waltzed over.

"Look what I've found!" Niall pointed excitedly at the spiders.

"EEK!" Louis shrieked, jumping back on top of a shelf. "Niall!" He scolded. "You know how I feel about spiders, ya feckin' flute!" Louis slowly lowered himself down back onto the floor, where he stayed as far away from the spiders as possible. He stayed on his tip toes for extra security. 

"Calm down, Louis," Niall chuckled.

"No. Shut the fuck up! I know you think you're like Jake Paul with all of you epic pranks, but Jake Paul is also a psycho who got arrested or whatever for owning a bunch of illegal guns or something like that! So unless you own a bunch of illegal guns or something-"

"Louis!" Niall snapped. "I'm not trying to be like Jake Paul. I called you over here to ask if you thought that maybe these spiders were some kind of a sign that we needed to validate or whatever."