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Think of Bluebeard's wife, he said to himself. Curiosity was killing him. But his fingers were on the iron lid. His heart beat fast and he opened the lid.

In the dim light, the casket seemed empty at first, and Andy let out a nervous laugh. What had he been expecting? Love letters from Sonny? A bloody dagger?

Then he caught sight of the thin strip of silk neatly folded over itself in one corner. He pulled it out and let it melt between his fingers. It was the apricot-coloured ribbon he had lost on the second day of school.

Oh, Rye. Tears stung his eyes and love welled up helplessly in his chest, overflowing.

'Has it been that long? It's been that long since you cared for me? Oh, Rye, I love you...

And it doesn't matter if you can't say it to me, he thought. There was a noise outside the door and he quickly folded up the ribbon and put it back in the casket. Then he turned to the door and blinked the tears from his eyes.

'It doesn't matter if you can't say it now. I will say it for both of us. And one day you will learn.

October 7, around 8 a.m.

Dear Diary,

I'm writing this during trigonometry class and I hope Mrs Halpern doesn't see me.

I didn't have time to write last night, although I wanted to. Yesterday was a crazy, mixed day, just like the night of the Homecoming Dance. Sitting here at school this morning, I almost feel like everything that happened this weekend was a dream. The bad things were so bad, but the good things were so very, very good.

I'm not going to press charges against Emilio. But he's suspended from school and off the football team. So is Dick for being drunk at the prom. No one is saying this, but I think a lot of people think he's responsible for what happened to Lisa. Mikey's sister saw Emilio at the clinic yesterday and she said he had two black eyes and his whole face was purple. I'm worried about what will happen when he and Dick come back to school. They have more reason than ever to hate Rye now.

Which brings me to Rye. When I woke up this morning, I panicked and thought, "What if this isn't all true? What if it never happened, or what if he changed his mind?" And Aunt Reese was worried at breakfast because I couldn't eat again. But then when I got to school, I saw him in the hallway by the office, and we just looked at each other. And I knew. Just before he turned away, he smiled, kind of crookedly. And I understood that too, and he was right, it was better not to approach each other in a public corridor, unless we wanted to give the secretaries a thrill.

We are definitely together. Now I just have to find a way to explain it all to Jean-Claude. Ha-ha.

What I don't understand is why Rye isn't as happy about it as I am. When we're together, I can feel how he feels and I know how much he wants me, how much he cares for me. There's an almost desperate hunger in him when he kisses me, like he wants to pull my soul out of my body. Like a black hole, that.

Still October 7, now around 2pm.

Will, a little break because Miss Halpern caught me. She even started to read out loud what I had written, but then I think the subject fogged up her glasses and she stopped. She was Not Amused. I am too happy to worry about such trifles as failing Trigonometry.

Rye and I had lunch together, or at least we went to a corner of the field and sat down with my lunch. He didn't even bother to bring anything, and as it turned out, of course, I couldn't eat anything either. We didn't touch much - we didn't - but we talked and looked at each other a lot. I wanted to touch him. More than any other boy I've ever known. And I know he wants it too, but he holds back from me. That's what I can't understand, why he fights it, why he holds back. Yesterday I found clear evidence in his room that he has been watching me from the beginning. Remember how I told you that on the second day of school Mikey and Jack and I went to the cemetery? Well, yesterday in Rye's room I found the apricot ribbon I was wearing that day. I remember it falling out of my hand while I was walking, and he must have picked it up and kept it. I didn't tell him I knew because he obviously wants to keep it a secret, but that shows he cares about me, doesn't it? I'll tell you someone else who is Not Amused. Sonny. Apparently he's been dragging him to lunch in the photography room every day and when he didn't turn up today she went looking until she found us. Poor Rye, he had completely forgotten about her and was shocked at himself. After he left - a nasty, unhealthy shade of green, I might add - he told me how she had latched onto him during the first week of school. She said she'd noticed that he didn't really eat lunch and neither did she, since she was on a diet, and why didn't they go somewhere to relax? He wouldn't really say anything bad about her (which again I think is his idea of manners, a gentleman doesn't do that) but he said there was nothing between them at all. And for Sonny, I think it was worse to be forgotten than to have stones thrown at him.