A Hidden Love

Chapter 1

“It’s not yet the right time, Rina.”

And here it goes the sentence again na paulit-ulit kong naririnig sa kanya. It’s like I’ve heard it long time ago na nakatatak na lagi sa utak ko. So many times na sinabi niya, so many times that the right time will always be not the right time to say.

As he prepare his things, tinilungan ko siyang magpack-up ng mga damit niya. I get all his clothes from the cabinet and put it in the luggage. Oh my, ganito ba karami ang kailangan niyang kunin na as if hindi na siya babalik.

Hindi na nga ba?

“Kailan ka babalik?” I asked as I sit up and while zipping the luggage beside the bed na inuupuan ko. Instead of answering, he opened his phone and siguro may tinext siya. He stared at it for seconds before facing to me.

Hey, I am waiting for your answer.

“Goodbye Rina. Just tell Jacob na may meeting lang ako and medyo matatagalan bumalik. Just text me if anything may mangyari”.

Kailangan pa ba may mangyari para itext ka? Hindi ba pwedeng itext ka kae kailangan kita?

I stand up even though I fight the urge of letting tears stream down my eyes. I hug him as if there’s no tomorrow and pakiramdam kong nagpupumiglas siya. Sige na, ako na ang OA, mahigpit ang pagkakayakap ko. “Sorry.” Hinawakan niya ang mga balikat ko, “I’ll come back, okay?”. I just nodded. Ano pa bang magagawa ko? Mapipigilan ko ba siya?

Hindi.

I tried before but his decision is very strong as the tree. I was about to kiss him..

Kriing! Kriiing! Kriiing!

Dali-dali siyang humiwalay at sinagot ang kanyang telepono. Nang maramdaman niyang nakikinig ako, walang pasubaling pumunta siya ng kusina. I’m not fond of eavesdropping but tonight I know there’s something wrong.

I feel it. My instincts overpower me. And I found myself listening sa likod ng pader. Mabuti na lang and it was made up from rattan. Ito ang nagdidivide ng aming sala at kusina.

“What? Paano nangyari iyon?”

He looks so uneasy and worried. Nagrereflect ito sa actions niya dahil kanina ko pang naririnig na pinupukpok niya ng mga kamay niya iyong dispenser namin. And he only do that everytime he was so anxious. May inililihim ba siya sa akin?

Lihim. Isang malaking salita. Para sa atin napakahirap itong panindigan lalo na kung hindi ka pa handa sa mga bagay na may kinalaman dito. A word that has different interpretations that depend on how you will perceive it.

For some reason, I don’t see the essence of keeping secret to someone. It just so unfair. It’s like you are depriving the chance for the person to know the truth behind walls. Ayaw kong maging pathetic and desperate woman but the my inner feelings overpower me now. As I hear his short responses, pakiramdam ko ako ang sabik na sabik sa impormasyong dapat ay alam ko rin.

“Kanina ka pa diyan?”

“Ha? May nakasabit kasing susi dito. Nacurious ako kay kinuha ko at nakasabit” Kinakabahan kong sagot. Shocks, ayaw kong malaman niya na nakikinig ako. Sana maging effective itong palusot ko.

He just stared at me for a moment.

A stare that gives pain in my heart. Hindi man niya sabihin pero nararamdaman ko. May gusto siyang sabihin pero bakit ayaw niyang ipaalam sa akin.

And I feel the heavy weight in my feet. Parang  napakaraming pakong nakabaon sa mga paa ko.Both of us can’t barely move. His brown eyes give me shiver in my spine. A shiver that will definitely inflict discomfort and worry.

I forced myself to cut our long stare. “Baka mahuli ka pa sa alis mo”. Dali-dali akong tumalikod at umalis pero bago pa ako makapaglakad, may dalawang kamay ang agad yumakap sa akin mula sa likuran.

“I’ll comeback”

“Pero kalian?” I left a hanging question.

“Hindi ko pa alam”

And yes, again, he left me a hanging answer. Why can’t you give me sometimes a straightforward anwer?!

“You know, this is always the set-up” lumayo ako sa kanya at bumitaw sa mahigpit niyang yakap. I faced him with a teary eyes. I can’t contain it anymore. “This thing, I’m fed up’.

“What do you want me to do?” he said exasperately. “Gusto mo malaman ng iba-

“Hi daddy”

Without hesitation I turned my face to where that voice was coming from. Jacob. The only precious thing in my life. Dali-dali niyang itinapon ang sarili niya sa akin kaya binuhat ko siya. He’s growing and growing na talaga. “Aalis ka na naman po?”

Instead of answering, tumalikod siya at tuluyang pumunta sa kwarto. He’s always like this to his son. I rarely see him talking to him. Dahil sa kanyang busy schedule, ako na ang tumatayong ina at ama niya. Double purpose. Anong magagawa ko? Siguron natural na ito sa isang ina.

“Mommy saan na naman pupunta si Daddy?”

“Si Daddy? Hmm what did I told you before?”

“You told me that whenever he is leaving, he is working for you and for me” he said it as if he’s tired of saying it all the time.

“Good boy. O siya, baba ka muna. Ang bigat mo na eh. Big boy ka na.”

“Hindi kaya mommy-

“I have to go”

Without final glance umalis siya , without even saying goodbye to his son, our son. And that’s it, dali-daling tumakbo si Jacob sa kanyang kwarto and cried. A cry that is raging of pain and sorrow. I want to comfort him but I found myself crying too.

**********************

My first story. Hope you like it! :)