10080 | chanbaek

열다섯

The next time they video called, Baekhyun didn't try to appear like he was happy, because he wasn't. "Upset" was the word, but he didn't want to lash out because Chanyeol was busy. He had an excuse not to go to some stupid book signing. But it wasn't just a "stupid" book signing to Baekhyun. It was his first and he wanted Chanyeol to be there, but he wasn't, and that was that.

Chanyeol was too tired to see what was wrong. He had apologized, but Baekhyun's mood didn't seem to lighten up despite the fact that he had said it was okay. In turn, it irritated Chanyeol, making him cut their call short and call it a night.

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With success came strain. Time was no longer available for leisure. It was no longer available for one to spend time with their loved ones or reconnect with friends. Time no longer provided intimate moments. It provided the opportunity for productivity in one's line of work.

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Like old photographs, their relationship began to change. Like the faded images of pictures that were once bright and vibrant, their relationship had grown stale and quiet. They had become strangers in their own marriage, often forgetting the moments that they used to have together back when things were simpler.

The calls became less frequent. The text messages were brief. Visits were rare. They had basically stalled.

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Two years and eleven months in their hanging marriage, Chanyeol stood in his bedroom, looking at his picture perfect self in the mirror. He fixed the cuffs and perfected his hair. He looked at the time and found that he was on schedule, but with no minute to spare. But despite his clock-work routine, he couldn't help but sit down at the edge of his bed, heaving a heavy sigh as he stared at his open wall.

His heart felt weighed down and it had taken him weeks—perhaps a month—to self-diagnose his issue. It was uncertainty. He struggled with the horrid thought of not being in love with his husband anymore, but as the recent days passed, he found that he could deny it no longer.

He felt lonely, but Baekhyun was too out of reach for him. Chanyeol knew that he still loved the brown haired author, who he'd sometimes see in the papers or online, but he knew that he didn't feel like same way like he used to. They hadn't made love in months. Baekhyun rarely visited. Date nights were never a thing, because they weren't possible with their schedules. In fact, the more Chanyeol thought about it, he saw more of Baekhyun through their short and infrequent video calls than he did in person.

Turning his head, he looked at his empty bed. He missed it. He missed the attraction, the activities—everything. The distance was one thing. The isolation was another. The lack of communication foreshadowed the end, but it was the heavy feeling in Chanyeol's heart that brought the gavel down on the block.