"Some scars heal, and some... don't."
***
There is something about the ephemeral ardor of genuine happiness I love. Despite my different preferences from other people, I still adored that feeling. Many grow scared of it because they believe that after happiness, there is tragedy.
It never crossed my mind. I enjoy even the shortest glimpse of joy. Mas pipiliin kong sumaya kahit panandalian lang. At least... I was happy.
Doing things that satisfy me, regardless of how sudden or undecided I may be, I do it... just because... it sounds nice. Kaya aalis ako, dahil lang masaya sa pakiramdam. Somewhere along the line of... feel ko lang.
"Ilan ba ang dala mo?"
Lumingon ako kay Kuya at napaisip din. I rechecked all my things for the nth time with eyebrows still furrowed. Dala pa kaya ako ng isa pang maleta? I can't tell how long I will be out of the country. One year is sure but I haven't decided completely. Kung sakaling magustuhan ko roon, then I would be glad to stay. Doon ko nalang pag-iisipan!
"Just bring one suitcase with you. Bili ka nalang ng ibang gamit mo roon." Tinaasan ako ng kilay ni Kuya. "Unless you plan on eloping with someone?"
"Hindi, ah!" tanggi ko agad. I chortled.
He chuckled playfully. "Sige na, I'll support you."
I smiled widely although it was not my plan. "Really? I'll find someone there. Hindi na ako babalik. Is that okay?"
Mabagal siyang tumango, nang-aasar pa. "Ayos na ayos."
Ngumuso ako at itinupi na ang mga natitirang damit. I have arranged these the last two days but I thought of adding another set of clothing suitable for a one-week visit if ever my mind changes or if fear gets the best of me. Purchasing new clothes there when I have many of them here seems irrelevant, and despite having money available any time of the day, I am not a spendthrift.
Kahit hindi naman na kailangan, kinuha ni Kuya ang mga dadalhin ko at dumiretso na sa baba nang hindi ako hinihintay. I pouted more when I saw how much he looked excited for me to leave! Hindi na ako magtataka kung hinintay niya 'tong araw!
"Kailan ang balik niya, Dior?"
"Let her decide, Mama," sagot ni Kuya.
"It depends on my scholarship, Mommy. Kung magustuhan ko po roon, doon ko na tatapusin college. And I'm no longer a minor!" I grinned excitedly, nodding my head at Mom.
She fanned herself extra dramatically. "Dior, you know your sister! She's uto-uto. What if she gets budol-budol? My god, bakit ba ako pumayag dito pati ang daddy niyo!"
Kuya walked languidly toward me. He pinched my cheek upwards. "Don't get easily fooled by foreign people. Huwag kang papauto."
"Akala ko ba gusto mo na akong palayasin, ah?"
"Syempre," aniya kaya siniko siya ni Mommy. He looked at me seriously now. "Be careful out there. I'm serious."
"Ivy, I'm telling you!" Mom reminded me in a thunderous tone.
"Stop it with the uto-uto," napipikon kong sinabi sa kanila. "Hindi po ako mabilis maloko, Mom."
They assume I'll get in a random stranger's car and live my whole life dependently on that person. Hindi naman ako mabilis maloko, e! In the context of trust, I'd give that to someone I can deeply feel is pure with their intentions. I never trust anyone completely anyhow!
Sinimangutan ko sina Mommy para ma-guilty sila sa kanilang mga pinagsasabi.
Binaba ako ni Kuya sa mismong harap ng airport kung saan maraming tao kaya napabaling sa amin ang mga palakad lakad sa labas ng terminal. I pulled my brassier a bit from the back as it was suffocating my breasts. My plane was boarding in fourteen minutes. I almost ran inside, afraid I'll miss it.
"Hey, slow down!" sigaw ng lalaki likod ko. It was a small shout, calm and controlled. Para sa akin yata 'yun.
Kunot ang noo, sumulyap ako sa kanya. He had a belt bag and the exasperated look on his face died down the minute his eyes met mine. Then my gaze travelled down our luggage. Nag-collide pala, dahil siguro sa crowd o pagmamadali ko o sa bagal niya.
"Oh, so sorry," sabi ko at bahagyang ngumiti bago tumuloy sa paglalakad. I wasn't messily running pero sige, kasalanan ko siguro.
With eight minutes left, I walked promptly until I was out of the jet bridge and into the plane. Tuloy-tuloy ang lakad ko. I found a seat next to an appealing guy. Paupo pa lang ako roon, nakita ko na ulit ang lalaking nakasalubong ko kanina sa baggage carousel.
He didn't look shocked when we met eyes, though. I wetted my lips unconsciously when I saw how he tapped the guy next to me before sitting down, too.
Dahan-dahan akong tumingin sa ibang upuan. Surprisingly, many minted persons decided to leave the country on this day. Hindi pa naman ako nag-secure ng seat in advanced! Pwede rin doon nalang ako sa single-seat, besides I'm solo. I prefer having company but alright!
"Russo," sabi ng lalaking mas mukhang seryoso kumpara sa isa.
Sinubukan kong huwag sumulyap sa kanila pero hindi ko maiwasan lalo na ng tumayo ang lalaking nakabungguan ng luggage ko.
"Tumabi ka, ako na," Russo said to his friend, smirking. They both stood after a meaningful stare exchange.
Tumaas ang kilay ko nang magpalitan sila ng upuan. Magkakilala naman sila kaya bakit 'di nalang sila magtabi para ako na 'don malapit sa window. There's an empty seat next to Russo. Balak ko sana umupo roon sa espayo ngunit nilagay ng lalaki ang gamit niya roon. As if he's reserving the seat for someone.
He then looked up at me idly just as I was about to leave. "Were you 'bout to sit here?"
Unti-unti akong napangiti dahil nagtanong siya. Malayo na kasi ang ibang seats. It's fine with me except there's also one right here so...
"Yes. Patabi na lang sana ako," sambit ko sa lalaki, but he shook his head.
"I don't understand Tagalog," mataman niyang sinabi.
"Gago 'to," his friend muttered.
Kumunot muli ang noo ko sa kanilang dalawa. Narinig ko pa lang siya kanina, ah? 'Yung kaibigan niya nga rin. Is he playing me?
"I'll sit here next to you. If you don't mind, kindly move your bag," I rephrased for him to end the delay.
Instantly, a grin appeared on his face. Mabilis niyang inalis ang gamit niya sabay tango sa akin. I scoffed inwardly.
"Okay, sit next to me then."
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This might not be your cup of tea, but see for yourself.
BINABASA MO ANG
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