Dark Love

Chapter 44 - Dear diary

Question: do you use Wattpad in light or dark mode?

***

Dear diary

**❤**

Logan's diary was quite heavy, as if there were a lot of writing in it. It didn't look brand new either, evidence that it was old and he had been writing in it for quite some time.

With a deep breath, I opened the book to a random page from the front.

"Dear Diary,

Finally. I am finally out of that rotten shit hole. I can finally breathe again. When I left the prison gates, I thought I would be the same. Still miserable, unstable, angry, and depressed. The list goes on. But right now, I feel slightly better. I almost... smiled?

What the fuck am I saying? I forgot why I opened this dumb book and lifted my pen. The shrink told me that writing down my feelings could help to control my emotions. He was lying. It's not helping. He just told me random shit to get paid. And I'm only writing this now because I'm bored.

I still feel like punching something. Blowing up shit. Picking a fight with some random dude who looked at me the wrong way. Jumping off a cliff and into the ocean. Fucking some random girl till she couldn't walk. I felt like doing something destructive. Maybe I should go fishing. I can watch my catch dry out before putting it back into the ocean, dead. At least I won't go to prison for killing a fucking fish.

Fuck, no. I can't kill it like that. It is something living after all... Forget that thought. The fish are at least more useful than those good for nothing humans.

Whatever. I'll be done now. As if anyone is going to read this shit. Fuck me. Fuck my life. And fuck everyone who screwed me over. Including you, Gabriel. Fuck you for letting me go to that rotten prison cell alone. So much for brothers from another mother, or whatever shit you said that one night you were drunk.

Shit. I need to stop writing. Wait... It actually feels like it's helping. Was that good for nothing shrink actually right? Whatever. He still gets overpaid. As much as I want to, I can't find the reasoning as to why they attempted to assign those shrinks to inmates. As if they deserved mental help after all the shit they done. After all the shit I had done. I don't deserve that stupid shrink. He would be better off helping someone else.

He told me that I have an antisocial personality disorder, or ASPD for short. He said he wasn't sure but I dominantly portray symptoms for that diagnosis, but also for a borderline personality disorder or BPD. He then went on to list all the things that was wrong with me. Schizophrenia came up on that list too. Or at least I thought he was listing them. Maybe he was trying to help.

Whatever. I don't need his help. I'm perfectly fine. There's nothing wrong with me. Maybe there's something wrong with him.

Why am I still writing in this stupid diary? Fuck it."

***

"Wow. Long blonde hair. Big blue eyes. Pink and soft lips. Petite. Small waist. Firm butt. Beautiful smile. Fuckable lips.

Sexy. Pretty. Gorgeous. Delicious. How did I end up running into her? More importantly, why did I let her slip out of my fingers without fucking her? I bet she would have tasted great. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

I left without fucking that beautiful girl. I always get what I want, whether I have to take it by force or not. It's fine anyways, she's too young. I don't need to go to prison again for some unreasonable shit. She has tits. An ass. She's pretty much not too young, right? Right. I wanna go back and see her again. I want to play with her more. She's so obedient too. She listened to everything I told her. So easy to fuck around with. Like a little bunny.