Good Things Fall Apart

GET HIGH ON MY MISTAKES

Things have slowly progressed over two weeks of talking to Dallon, and it was like getting to know someone all over again. But then again, there was a lot that I didn't know about him in the five years we were together, and even as best friends I didn't know these things because he never let me in long enough to let me know him. We were young, dumb, and full of yearning that we thought our relationship was a good idea when, in fact, it wasn't.

Well, maybe that's because wasn't around enough. It's nice to know the true Dallon or maybe it's not and he's only showing what he wants me to see. I still can't trust him, but I have to forgive him for all of his flaws for this to work between us. I don't know if I can make this work...

I honestly wouldn't call what we had a relationship or friendship, to begin with, because Dallon is practically a stranger. How can I love someone if I don't truly know them? I know more about him than he ever did about me and I don't know how I feel about that.

Speaking of Dallon, He has been coming around more often, more than he honestly should, and becomes possessive when I have company. He expects me to drop what I'm doing just to spend time with him, and I even know that's not how relationships work. I shouldn't be forced into submission because someone that I'm not even dating wants to 'spend time together.' I swear this man gives me fucking whiplash. It's like he's two sides of a coin that could flip at any second, and it scares the fuck out of me.

One side is kind, caring, loving, and wants to be there. The other side is angry, mean, distant, and wants to see my pain, to see my body full of bruises. I don't understand any of this and don't know what side of Dallon to expect when he walks into my house.

Dallon was never like this in the past, but then again, I didn't see him often. It's like a love-hate relationship between us, even as just friends, and that's even stretching it. He doesn't do anything mean or hurtful to Rylee, but some days I wonder when that will change. Today was one of those days that left me wondering.

"Hey, Dal," I said when I heard him enter the kitchen and instantly sat at the kitchen table while I poured two cups of coffee. "Everything okay?"

It wasn't like every other day when he showed up, today was different, and I couldn't put my finger on why everything felt so - heavy - in the room. There was some kind of tension between us. I never received a reply when I slid the cup across the table. It's hard to believe this man was cuddling me yesterday like nothing ever happened between us.

I felt like I've done something wrong despite just waking up. It's nearly 6 am on a Monday, and it's Rylee's first day back to school after a new year. She was thankfully sleeping because I had a feeling I knew where this was going.

"Dal, everything okay?" I repeated, sitting across from him at the table. He instantly jumped out of his seat, wood scraping against wood, grabbing the front of my baggy shirt, and pulled me out of the seat. I was beyond terrified but didn't let it show, and shove his hand away with ease. I wanted to leave a bruise somewhere on his face, but I wasn't about to stoop to his level.

"Touch me again, and it will be the last fucking thing you do, Weekes! What is your fucking problem?! You come into my house and put your hands on me like I'm your fucking punching bag? I've had enough of the bruises, enough of these constant mood changes that happen out of nowhere. Get your shit together!" I'll admit my moods haven't been the best either with nearing my fifth month, but it was nothing compared to the Russian roulette that I've been playing with Dallon. I didn't give him time to respond and continued.

"Three times we've tried to be together, and it just seems to get worse each time. You don't love me like you think you do, Dallon! I believe you can't love anyone." I look down at the table and shake my head, trying to hold back tears that threaten to fall from the words that I'm about to speak, and I don't hesitate to voice them.

"I want you out of our lives. For good. You don't even have to sign over your rights to Rylee because I never put you down as a second parent. If you try to take either one of my children away from me, then that will be the last day you take a breath. Don't try to contact any of us, don't come around, and don't talk to anyone I know. I want you out! Get the fuck out of my house and don't come back! We don't need you!" I was beyond done with the abuse, lies, and infidelity. None of those would change if I let him stay. They would probably become worse within another two weeks. What if I didn't wake up after his beatings? What if he moved the abuse to Rylee? What if he threw me around too much and murdered our second child?

Tears began to fall freely down my cheeks because I wouldn't have to worry about any of those things again, or so I hoped. I will finally be free.

"Bren..." Dallon finally spoke, voice cracking with emotion that I didn't believe he was capable of revealing. I wasn't falling for this bullshit anymore.

I was angry because he wouldn't listen. Sad because it came to this. Satisfied that I wouldn't have to worry about explaining the bruises. Relived that he will be out of our lives for good.

"I said; Get the fuck out!" I shove him in the shoulder and kept shoving until he was near the front door. "I don't want to hear your excuses. I don't want your bullshit lies, and I sure as hell don't want any more bruises. Fuck, I'm glad I never married you!" My right cheek stung when my head was stricken to the side by the back of Dallon's hand. "Get out!" Push. "Get out!" Push. "GET THE FUCK OUT!" I opened the front door and pushed him hard enough to throw the bastard out on his ass, and slammed the door behind me.
----
I never looked back after that day. I never worry about Dallon anymore. I don't worry about the bruises. I only worry about my two girls, Rylee and Rose, who are now 10 and 7. They seem to be doing just fine with one parent, their daddy, and no one will ever obtain the second parent position. It hurts too much to let someone in like that again, and it will never happen. We'll be just fine on our own, and I wouldn't want it any other way.
----

FIN.