hiraeth

sixteen

it's missing Nia's pov hours so here we go

also chill chapter bc I live for the Peter and nia dynamic. also sorry if everyone is out of character fkdkdjdjnd I'm just vibng at this point

~~~

xvi. Nia

Death shouldn't scare her. It's not supposed to.

The knowledge of this hits her as she digs her heel into tnto the ground, watching the shadows on the walls stretch long and thin. There's nothing tangible here - never has been - and she cowers in the face of the demons in her head.

The dampness is not new, but the jeering and hissing sounds resemble nails on a chalkboard, something she will never forget.

It's all in her mind. That's what he had told her.

It's all in your mind, my love.

"He" is someone she can't quite place, but she once compared him to the sun: fiery and unbearable; warm and akin to the light at the end of a tunnel.

But he isn't here to keep her demons at bay. Not this time. So she wallows in the depths and covers her ears with her hands. This is life as she knows it.

Fight it, she scolds herself.

She gives in anyway.

~~~

Nia wakes with a jolt, the car rattling as it runs over a speedbump. She cranes her neck to look at Peter, who signals and pulls into an empty parking space in an otherwise jam-packed lot.

"Could you be anymore reckless?" Nia grumbles, discreetly mopping her brow with the hem of her shirt. Her forehead is covered in a thin layer of sweat - from the heat of Las Vegas or her nightmare - she can't tell.

Peter mumbles a half-hearted apology. "You fell asleep again. Are you feeling okay?"

"I'm fine." She twists around to check on an unconscious Enne and Edmund. "Let's start looking for clues on Lucy and Susan's whereabouts. Let them rest."

They end up walking pretty far, the sweltering night air making her sluggish despite the training she endured at camp for long distance running. Peter looks as if he's on the verge of blacking out.

Nia rifles through a few paper bills and proposes they actually grab a meal together in what she hopes is a casual tone. But Peter notices the unintended implications anyway, the blue of his eyes winking at her in the dark.

"Date night it is."

Nia makes a face in a poor attempt to disguise how unamused she is. His faux flirting is worse than any actual flirting she's taken part of. "You do realize you're the last person I would ever date, right?"

"That's what they all say-"

"Before they go running in the opposite direction? Yeah, I figured." She waves her hand. "Cheekiness isn't a good look on you, Pevensie. I like you better when you're honest."

A blush creeps up his neck when he asks, "Then what do you suggest I do to get on your good side?"

"Be yourself," Nia says. "You know. Live, laugh, love. The whole shebang."

It takes him a solid three seconds for him to realize she's not serious and instead quoting ridiculous home decor sayings.

They keep walking, sidestepping others who are also crowded on the sliver of sidewalk.

"I've never...liked anyone in that way," Peter admits sheepishly once they stop to rest near a body of water, reserved for a fountain show. He sits down on the ledge enclosing the area and Nia hops up beside him. "At least, I don't think so. I'm really bad at reading a room sometimes, so anything remotely in that territory goes over my head."

"If your flirting is any indication, then I believe it." He shoves at her lightly and she knocks her knee against his in response. "You're a king. Surely you had, like, a whole lineup?"

"I did, but not intensely enough to feel attached to the hip. You?"

"Wouldn't you like to know."

"I would, actually."

She taps at the side of her head. "And I wouldn't remember. However..."

"However?"

"I feel like I have been." She trains her eyes on the concrete, feeling his gaze lingering on her. "Been in love, I mean."

He laughs lightly. "Oh? How does that work?"

"It's like this feeling of homesickness, I guess." Her voice comes out strained. "Like I lost something important. Really important. And I don't know if it's a place or a person or what, but it's been haunting me ever since."

"There's a word for that. I swear."

"There is?"

"Wait, I'm thinking."

"Think faster."

"Shhh."

Amused, she swings her legs up and down as much as she can, giving him time to leaf through his vocabulary. He looks extremely concentrated, like if he doesn't get it, he's going to cry.

"Hiraeth." His eyes fly open and he beams down at her, flashing his teeth in a wide grin. "Hiraeth," he repeats proudly. "That's it. I knew it sounded familiar."

"Hiraeth," Nia tries slowly, testing out the word on her tongue.

"Homesickness for a home to which you cannot return," Peter elaborates. "Grief for lost places of your past."

A lump forms in her throat. "And if what I'm missing isn't a place?"

Peter doesn't let her look away; he pokes her cheek. "It still works. Home is just another word for a person you love, isn't it?"

Nia intends to tell him how cheesy that is, but all that tumbles past her lips is, "I keep having the same nightmare all the time."

"Of what?"

"I'm in the dark. In some sort of cave. It's noisy and I'm alone and no one can hear me."

Peter frowns. "The Underworld?"

She shakes her head. "No, it feels different. At the end of each one, I keep thinking someone will eventually take my hand and lead me out of there, but no one ever does, and I'm starting to wonder if this is the universe's idea of a joke."

"You-" Peter starts before shutting up.

"I, what?" Nia asks.

Peter bites the inside of his cheek. "No, I...It's just funny. I've been having a similar nightmare recently."

Now this has her undivided attention. "How does it go?"

"I'm also in a dark place," he reveals hesitantly. "The walls are jagged and rough, but I can hear someone calling my name, over and over. And, well..." His eyes dart to hers again, and Nia feels a thrum of electricity shoot up her spine. He's looking at her. Really looking at her, as if it's the first time he's seeing her. "I can't find them."

~~~

They end up watching the fountain show thing behind them until Nia gets bored, and she's grateful he doesn't bring up their nightmares anymore as they walk around the Venetian. If anything, he distracts her with random anecdotes and tells her jokes so terrible she no longer cares by the time they sit at a table underneath the fake sky painted on the ceiling.

He doesn't bring it up again when they unwrap their sandwiches and Nia describes memes to him ("Look at all those chickensss." "I'm sorry, what?"), or on their way back to the car, bearing the disappointment of not finding anything unusual or helpful. But he does stop her before she gets in and mutters, "Mental health check?"

She rolls her eyes at this, but she's just kidding. "I'm okay."

"Really?"

"Really."

He pulls open the door to the driver's seat and she mirrors the action on the other side. Nia tugs on her seatbelt once they're settled, and turns around to check on Enne and Edmund.

The backseat is completely empty.