My Only Sunshine. (dreamwastaken x oc)

36 | anxiety

A/N: Come get your monthly feeding 😁

Jade's Pov

The blue-tinted atmosphere bathes our beings in a chilly but somehow welcoming nature, indulging us in the night shade. The calming noise of the swaying leaves and the accommodations of nature adores my line of hearing.

Capturing me in a state of stare and silence at the beautiful sculpture of a man that lays by my side. 

I try my best not to comply with the urge to run my hands through his soft strands of golden hair or along his slightly parted lips as I struggle to stay completely still, observing the features I've been dreaming about for years.  

His chest rises and falls in a slow peaceful pace as his hands limply rest at my waist, hugging me towards his torso. He was so set on us cuddling even opening the window placed above his bed to force me into hugging him for heat.

Though it's not like I'd protest anyway. 

I'm far from tired at this point, consciousness fully intact, brain running with thought and question.

My knees overlap, trying to find a good sleeping position as I run a hand through the front of my hair.

I'll admit that the two-hour group movie with Nick was optimally torture and made me impatient but through the whole thing I decided to actually try my best to not think with what's between my legs and calm down for a minute.

And I did but that doesn't stop the embarrassment that comes with the mere thought of what we were doing right before he showed up.

For someone with the amount of experience I have, it's kind of enlightening to see the amount of pleasure I could give to someone besides myself. I could finally fully understand what it feels like to get turned on by getting someone else off. 

The feeling of seeing him go breathless, seeing his eyes roll back, hearing him call me such praiseful names, it's intoxicating. 

It's intoxicating to know I'm the one who made him react that way, the way his muscles tense while he's gripping my hair or the way he bites his lip so hard it almost draws blood out of being so overwhelmed. 

I cover my blush burnt face with my hands, rolling onto my back to hide my face in my pillow by wrapping arms around it, out of embarrassment.

I feel him shift a little at my sudden move of position but his hand retreats to my lower back nonetheless, mumbling a little as his eyes flutter, still fast asleep. 

I try my best not to think about too many sexual situations, knowing I wouldn't be able to do anything about it at this hour of the night if I got too worked up over it. 

So I decide to reflect instead, realizing how deep I am. 

Just how much I've fallen for him and how fucking quickly.

Dwelling on every decision I've made and feelings I've developed. I know I'm in deep, too deep for my own good, too deep for my heart to not explode whenever he sends me a pearly white smile or his chest vibrating in a laugh or he plays with my hair and kisses my hand. 

He's important, too important, more important than he's aware and inevitably too important for my own well-being. 

Most of the time I can't do without seeing him for a day or so which i most definitely should work on but I can't find the strength to tell myself that I can't get too attached. He's just so easy to get carried away with. 

To get lost in. 

I wish I could fall into as deep of a slumber he's currently in but I've always had trouble with stuff like this. I guess I just have to work on it.