The train ride back to your apartment is silent. Not a bad kind of silent, just silent. Stu seems to be thinking about something that is keeping him occupied and you're busy trying to forget the last day so that you can completely declare yourself guiltless when you think of your parents and the fragmented state of your family. You wonder if maybe you should be preparing for whatever Murdoc has planned now but you really can't be fucked. You're somewhat exhausted mentally, and it shows on your body as you're slumped over sitting on the train. Looking like a cokehead fizzling out after a very rough high you exit the train with your body swaying slightly and your head and shoulders bowed downwards in exhaustion. Stu looks at you with worry. "You can go home if you want. I will be fine." He reassures you, trying to make you go home. There is some regret in your thoughts as you agree and wave him goodbye as you split ways. But inside you know Stuart doesn't want you there with them. He's hurt and he wants to face it alone.
Home is the same as when you left it, really. It's disappointing but also brings you comfort even with it's old rotten interior. You really ought to try to at least make it presentable at some point. Your couch and coffee table is the best out of all your furniture, despite the coffee table having a broken leg and half of it stacked on books that match the height of the original leg. Why you even have books is beyond you. You don't read, and you don't even know how to be quite honest. Sure the words are easy but sitting down and thinking about it to put them in context, to create a narrative, it seems so hard and pointless to you. Maybe if you'd have had the right friends and influence as a kid you would have gotten into it. But you never did. Even if your parents had wanted you to be booksmart, there was no way you'd become it without guidance. Guess if you neglect your child they won't turn out exactly how you wanted them to. Who would have thought?
Leaning on the door you take a moment to breathe just for yourself. You barely went out to actually socialize since your friends all went different ways, and now socializing had become a harder than usual task. You felt safe and comfortable with Stu, of course. But somehow it had all drained you still. Thinking about what he thought, filtering yourself and reacting accordingly to social cues really was an uphill battle. You walk to your little kitchen, boiling some water. Instant coffee would have to make do. There was a part of you that knew drinking it was stupid, considering it was tasteless and barely gave anything in the contents of energy. But you still drank it. When you had lived at home, the coffee was freshly ground and was rich with everything. You didn't have the money for real coffee now, but habits die hard. And so you kept buying the cheap stuff. That's pretty much a metaphor for your life at this point.
After your coffee you feel some strong exhaustion overtake you. You basically stumble into your bedroom, barely closing the door as you throw yourself onto the bed. Before you're brought into the state of sleep, you also only just barely manage to shrug off your socks and pants. You fall asleep in your shirt from 3 days over, but it isn't like any one is going to realize either way. The last thought you have is that you have to remember to take a bath when you eventually wake up.
You're once again standing in front of the hill. Your hill. The hill you and Stu climbed together when you both were younger. The hill with grass standing taller than your kneecaps. with the tree on top of the tallest point and with the view of the setting sun behind it. Stu'is not with you, but there is an apple in your hand. The apples he likes the exact same way that you like them. It's shiny, and you see your reflection bouncing off of the apple slightly. You know you're in a dream, yet it doesn't make it feel any less real.You feel like your actions have the same amount of consequences as normal, yet you do what you automatically know you shouldn't and you raise the apple to your mouth and take a big bite out of it.
The sinner willing to do the sinning. You don't mind if you brand yourself or go to hell, you will take what you want. The apple tastes good, even with you knowing the biblical implications of your actions. You spend the rest of your slumber happily chewing the apple, looking at your hill. Yours and Stus hill.
When you wake up the first thing you do is grab your phone to see how long you've slept. You slept a full day almost, meaning you have successfully turned your day to night sleeping schedule around. It was going to be useful for work anyways. You get off your bed and head to take a shower. When you pass your bathroom mirror you look oddly refreshed. It has been a rather long time since you have seen yourself outside of your dreams and actually not thought about how messed up you looked. You shake the thought and walk to your shower, letting the lukewarm water slide down your body and calm your muscles. Once you turn off the water and leave the shower you almost feel energetic.That is never a good sign. You're terribly used to feeling your body betray you in every way.
You pick up your ringing phone and realize Murdoc is calling you. Ah. You never get to rest for long. That is your repentance for biting the apple and falling in love with your best friend. You are a sad, sad guy.
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Once again I SURVIVE. I have been writing a lot of danganronpa stories on my tumblr and I think I might move some here, though I feel bad about betraying my gorillaz fam LOL
YOU ARE READING
Just pity (2D x reader)
FanficYou promised you'd never do anything out of kindness ever again after saving an ungrateful boy from some bullies when you were a kid. You try to convince yourself pity makes you stay by his side, but how long can you really fool yourself?
