Before She Sleeps Tonight (One Shot Story)

Leah and Jake (One Shot Story)

"Do you know why I am scared of commitment? Of having a relationship, or the idea of weddings?"

She asks out of nowhere. We are on the balcony of my room, star gazing like we always do with a cup of coffee in our hands. I look at her and she's just looking at her favorite natural satellite, the moon or Luna as she calls it, with the unfamiliar emotions raging in her eyes. I haven't seen those such emotions with her. She always smiles, laughs, and her aura just brings out pure joy. But this time, her eyes, those hazel brown eyes, shouts pure sadness. The sadness I know she tries so hard to hide behind her smiles yet this time, she cannot hide it anymore.

I didn't answer her question so she looks at me. My eyes are still focused on her. She caught my gaze so she smiles. She smiles but not the happy smile she does when she's happy. She smiles but it is not the same smile I have ever known. Her smile didn't even reach her ears.

"When I was 15 years old, my mom and dad had a fight. My dad was cheating. Everyone knew that, even us knew that. But we chose to ignore it, we didn't believe it. We didn't believe the rumors of him having an affair, having another woman, or even another family. Even if there were proof back then that it's true, we ignored it. We did not believe it. Why? We trusted him. I trusted him."

She shifts her gaze in the other direction, facing the city lights. Her hazel brown eyes started to become watery, as she's trying to stop the tears from coming down. She's having a hard time stopping the emotions she felt from the past. But after many years, the pain is still there. It never went away. The pain became a part of her.

"My mom tried to contact my dad. She was trying to make my father come home. To defend himself and prove to everyone that what they say isn't true. That he had no other woman nor another family, that he just worked there and nothing else. My mom tried so hard to make him come home. She begged him to come home. God, my mom begged him."

She paused for a moment as the tears she tried so hard to stop suddenly burst. This would be the first time I saw her cry. I have never seen her be this vulnerable. I remove my gaze on her and stare at the city lights instead. I remain silent as she weeps. I couldn't bear to see her like this. To see her breaks, breaks me too. Beside me, she wipes her tears with her hand but she fails as the tears keep gushing down her face.

What should I do? Should I hold her? Should I hug her? Should I wipe the tears she fails to wipe?

While I was thinking about what I was going to do, she resumes talking. "But you know what he did? He just shoved my mom away, like my mom was a pest. Like she was a pain in the ass- a headache. Then he started to put the blame on us. The fucker blamed us! Because we didn't seem to trust him. Because he worked his ass off for our family! And what did he get in return?"

She laughs bitterly. Her laugh catches my attention so I look at her. She is laughing but her tears continues to stream down her face. I tightened my grip on the cup of coffee that has gone cold. She saw me doing that so she did the same. Now, she stops laughing and stares at her coffee while still crying. Her tears seem to be endless.

I want to wipe it. I want to hold her. I want to hug her. But I'm afraid if I hold her, she will break in my arms. I'm afraid I might break her more.

"All along, my mom just wanted him to prove that what other people were saying against him wasn't true. To prove to them that the rumors weren't true, that we were his only family and no one else. It's what my mom wanted the most. It's what we wanted. But he didn't seem to get it. He didn't get it."

She sniffed this time, still battling the tears that are coming down from her eyes. She shifts her face on her cup of coffee onto the city lights. I noticed how her eyes soften as she stares at it. I know how she loves looking at the city lights and I'm glad it somehow comforts her.