Tattoos Together || Larry Stylinson

Chapter 15

About two months had passed since our movie evening together, which ended in us falling asleep snuggled together on the sofa. Two months in which we got really close. We had spent a lot of time together and of course there came a moment when the question arose whether we were a steady couple or not.

We already acted like one. The little loving approaches, kisses and caresses. The night-long conversations about profound topics, life, the future.

I knew Harry wanted children. Two. A little girl and a boy. I knew he wanted to move to a farm, maybe even abroad. I knew that Switzerland impressed him, the landscape, the Alps. He longed for this peaceful freedom.

I remembered vividly how we had spun these thoughts together. How we had once again sat together on the roof, wrapped tightly in my duvet, the night starry. I remembered ruining the moment by bringing up the bitter reality.

I wish I could make it all come true for us. But you know that you can never experience that with me, Hazza?

-life is cruel Loubear. Destiny is a fucking destroyer.

What are we Harry? I remembered asking this question before

-Boyfriends? I heard his questioning voice still in my mind.

In retrospect, more, bigger words would have been needed in this so important, tiny moment, but it was only a nod of affirmation.

The day ended with us both sitting on the roof sobbing. Trying to understand, but not accept, the injustice of life.

In the days around this event, I decided to officially tell my family about our relationship. Associated with this was inevitably a coming out, which somehow scared me, but Harry took my fear away and, in the end, it was less spectacular than I had imagined. As it turned out, both Mark and my siblings had been waiting for it from the start.

Mark actually seemed to take a load off his heart when he heard that I had finally, officially found someone and so it came about that Harry was invited straight away to go on vacation with us.

The night before leaving for our holiday-trip, I felt empty and alone. I was cold because there was no one there to snuggle up to and no one whose quiet breathing made me feel secure and let me drift off gently into restful sleep.

Harry slept at home because he still had a few things to pack. It was the first night in a long time that we weren't lying in one bed together.

I felt myself drifting away every now and then, but after ten minutes I was completely awake again. I would probably have sold my soul to feel Harry's warm body next to me right then.

Outside the first birds chirped and the morning sun dawned between the roofs of the two houses, of which I had a good view, as one of my room windows was reflected in the large mirror on my wardrobe.

I decided that there was no point in trying to fall asleep anymore, so I got up.

The silence in the whole house was outlandish. I grabbed my cell phone and padded down the stairs into the kitchen to brew myself a coffee to somehow get along with myself.