Tell Me With Flowers

36. She doesn't love you

MILES

Jackson's toast ran smoothly over the years. But for the past one month, it was shattered into bits. The last hotel manager had quit and the hiring process was in the slow rise.

I had volunteered to take up the role for a short while I cooked twice a week in the same place. I had enjoyed playing the part very well, managing the food items, making sure that the visitors got what they had wished for. It was all very professional. I liked it.

Right now? Not so much.

I just couldn't concentrate. My knees kept bouncing up and down, I clicked the top of the pen I was holding, I bit my lip as I ran my hand over my hair over and over again.

Why hadn't she called me yet?

It was very brutal of me, but I had sent her another letter, kind of a last one that I had promised myself. I had told her that I loved her and I would like to meet her. It was my last straw. I knew she had told me to stop making those letter go to her, but I wanted to come clean too.

Initially, the letters were of a way to protect myself. Hiding behind the letter, I thought that I could get to know the actual intentions behind her ever since Shelly made a fool out of me.

It had been a year since I had stayed away from relationships that when I saw Kevin and Mark, their loving quarrel with their wives and girlfriends, I wanted that too. The whole idea of putting faith and trust into someone else, made me feel like I was missing everything the other side had to offer.

But with the past experiences, I was shit scared. How could I trust someone again? That night when I had seen You've got Mail movie, I had decided how I was working in the market.

I had never expected Megan to be at the receiving end, twined up in the mess I had created to pacify my doubts. But she had fallen into the trap so hard that it affected her more than me and I couldn't sit idle looking at just that.

So, I had written a letter, a final one, that I would come out clean for her. I had envisioned her to be happy as she recognized it as me. We would hug and kiss and we would declare our love for each other. My happily ever after seemed only one letter away.

But I knew life couldn't be that easier with me. Because she usually got emotional whenever the letter topic came up. I knew I had told her that she was choosing between the letter and me, and this time with this strong letter that I had sent her, I knew that she would call me, just for an update.

But, why the hell hadn't she called me yet?

I clicked the pen twice and tapped on the notebook that was present in front of me. Had she found a face to the letters? Was I late?

"...stew and dumplings on the go with maybe fish or shepherd's pie as a dessert?" Nicole was saying. She looked at me and I nodded my head absentmindedly. "I'm thinking of roasted lemon chicken and lasagna should be added to the menu as well. It wasn't there since last week."

"What lasagna are you going to make?" I asked, sitting a bit straighter. When Rick stood up coming up with the recipe of the said item, I snuck a peek at my phone wondering if Megan had called me.

I paid less attention towards what Rick was saying as I was busy contemplating different scenarios why she hadn't called me to inform. Had she decided to meet? When she had a boyfriend waiting for her at the other end? I just wanted her to tell me what she was thinking about the letters... was that too much to ask for?

God, it was a stupid idea writing a letter in the first place. It was more dumb when I had made it anonymous. I had further gone with it to say that I was ready to meet up. Was I really ready?