He's Not Gay (Indiana Jones x Trans!Fem!Bakugo)

He's Not Gay

Once upon a time, Indiana Jones lived in a world. The world was the normal world, but people were born with supernatural abilities called quirks! Indiana Jones was lucky to be born with a quirk. His quirk was asthma. He could make anybody start suffocating and begging for air at any given moment. Indiana Jones wasn't like other girls, and that's cause he's a guy. He liked to wear robes to school. He preferred the type of robe that you put on when you get out of the shower. It made him feel feminine, and he hated it with a burning passion. He also hated women.

"I'm gonna take a smoke, Queen Elizabeth. Also, I hate you cause you're a woman."

Queen Elizabeth responded, "Okay, don't catch a case of amnesia. Bring back your mom so I can eat her up gobble gobble."

"Okay, dad. See you when I get back from the USSR civil war gay reenactment."

"See you, Indiana"

Indiana walked out of the house with the power of a thousand suns, and then he stubbed his toe on the door as hard as all the guys at the civil war reenactment were daily. He tried not to let himself think to much. If he thought too much he might cause global warming and the re-election of Vladimir Putin. He swiveled down the street, being careful not to trip and die. He turned his head slowly to see one of his schoolmates Bakugo. He blushed profusely. That was his daddy daddy supreme. Bakugo didn't know that yet though. Indiana Jones was not gay, but he was gay. He turned as Bakugo passed to acknowledge he was there. He grabbed his hair and pulled Bakugo down to the ground.

"Got you, daddy!!" said Indiana Jones.

Bakugo screamed at him, "Get off of me before I screw this bird!"

A bird appeared in his left hand, and Bakugo choked it.

"Not if I screw it first!" Indiana Jones said as he took the bird and stuck his tongue down its throat.

Bakugo smirked and walked away, singing California Girls by Katy Perry.

•••

The next day

•••

"Hey, Ryuk!!!" Indiana Jones yelled across the courtyard at their school.

Ryuk has been Indiana Jones's best friend forever. They love sharing ice cream and spitting in each other's tea for flavor. Ryuk was a blonde girl with big boobs. He was a man. Indiana Jones pinched Ryuk's nipples, which were visible as he was only wearing a Speedo and socks.

"Pussy pussy pussy..."

Indiana Jones sighed, that's really all Ryuk said, which made him a good listening partner. It was also nice that he said pussy because Indiana Jones was not gay. Indiana Jones is gay.

"Today is the day I ask out Bakugo!"

"Pussy"

"Aight let's go, you fucking virgin."

They walked into their classroom to see Bakugo sitting at his seat with BIG ASS TITS hanging over the desk. He had turned into a woman.

"AWOOGA AWOOGA" Indiana Jones exclaimed as his jaw dropped tog the floor, his eyes rolled back in his head, global warming stopped, and Vladimir Putin was re-elected. "YOU'VE GOT SOME KNOWLEDGEABLE KNOCKERS. ALSO, I HATE WOMEN."

Bakugo turned to him, got up from his seat, and stuck an enormous door down Indiana Jones's throat.

"Go out with me, you beautiful monkey ass."

Bakugo said only one thing.

"No"

Then Indiana Jones activated his quirk and Bakugo proceeded to choke to death.

"Choke on my extra virgin olive oil, kitten." Bakugo immediately stopped choking and smacked her lips against Indiana Jones eyes missing his lips.

"I'm not gay." said Indiana Jones.

The end.