certified pretty boy; Jaeyong

19

Jaehyun POV

I don't understand why I feel so much pressure right now. As soon as I got off the phone with my mom.. I can't just tell her I've been keeping something from her. God she knows I'm a terrible liar.

I'm not her little boy anymore.

My family found out I had no classes during the holiday season. Inviting me back home, I couldn't say no. I miss them too much.

But I don't want to go home.

I finally have the freedom to express myself.. feel things I've never felt before. All the things I hated about myself became the things I love.

But.. what would I say when I finally see them again?

What do I say?

'Hey guys it's me, your son who tried running away multiple times since this is the day I dread every year?'

I've never felt like I've done enough. In Highschool I was considered a "model student". The expectations I set to them were a bit too high, now they might expect more.

They are counting on me, their only child to succeed.

That's all they want. For me to be successful.

Right now I'm still a college student, nothing more.

But I'm so happy

But that won't matter to them.. right? God why is this so complicated, it's either I marry rich or I work. Either way.. I won't be happy for all of my life— just because of money.

I remember I was crying in the last , like usual. I was sensitive and naive. But after a scolding from my grandparents.. I finally got hit with reality,

I had so many dreams.. and now I had to choose one.

When I was a kid I always ran away, wanting to reach the edge of the world while following the sky and it's stars.

I tried chasing my dream of being happy.

I was so restless to get away. I was 12 when I finally stopped running. Watching as time went by, the wind blowing my hair as I gasped for air.

I wanted to be like my parents. Successful

I stayed wide awake, studying hard. My parents never noticed I was tired.. they were always so busy. But as time went on, I grew as a person. To the man I am today. And it's still not enough.

I got a scholar ship, made the honor roll. Learning and perfecting my English as quick as I can.

It's still not enough, and now I have to face them all back home.

I know I might let them down.

But I'm still proud of Taeyong and myself for making this far, even when we thought we should have stopped back then.

I'll keep running for my dreams, but this time I wanna keep going forward with him by my side.

Even if they discourage me of loving someone who helps me chase my dream. Who runs beside me even when out of breath— the one who encourages me to keep on smiling.

My Taeyong..

I dream to be happy with you by my side. And I hope you feel the same.

I'll keep hoping.. for everything to be okay.

Just as I always do.. since I was 12