The Lost Knight (Volume III) The Lost World

Chapter 28: I Hate Everyone

My sleep is not good. Lenox licks my hair a few times and nibbles my fingers in an attempt to comfort me, but I'm lost. My nightmares are confusing, and my wakeful hours aren't any clearer.

I know one thing: I don't want to be immortal. Not getting sick and regrowing stuff would be great, but I want to die. Not today, of course. When I'm old. In my sleep. I want to have a family and some friends by my casket. And I want them to celebrate my life and miss me when I'm gone. Not dying would make my life...meaningless.

Why am I even considering this? I would only be immortal if I opened the portals. Am I seriously giving that thought? I probably should go back to Earth and find out what everybody wants. Have an election or something. Do you want to live in peace and build dragon-free cities, or do you want interdimensional war? Maybe it's wrong to keep people away from here. But I don't know if fixing it is right.

I have to stop. I need to talk with Ziras and get some real answers. I've been tiptoeing around some serious questions because I didn't want to hurt his feelings or embarrass him. It's time to ask the difficult questions. And when I'm satisfied, I need to find a place away from here and Cromsmead to think.

I give up and go inside. I hope it's close to breakfast because I can hear the noises of the staff starting the day. I make my way to the balcony where Ziras and I share our morning meal. He's not here yet, so it must still be early.

I recline in the chair and rest my head. I jump when someone touches my arm. It's Bogdan, the server, bringing me coffee. I drink it and listen to the commotion around the other side of the house. It's Lenox. I forgot to wait for the men to bring his breakfast. I hope he didn't hurt anybody.

Things quiet down, and soon Ziras appears. "You're up early."

"I couldn't sleep. I've got too much on my mind," I mumble.

"Can I help?"

I'm about to say no, but the food arrives, so I wait until Bogdan leaves. As soon as the balcony door closes, I blurt out, "I saw the Liisoole village. I mean, I was there. I saw it. And like, I know you now and stuff, and why? Why kill everyone? Kids and stuff? Like that. That's horrifying."

I finish and look at the table. Maybe I shouldn't have said anything. I should be angry and outraged that this man would do such a thing. I should want to kill him, but he doesn't seem like the kind of person who's capable of doing that. He needs to tell me it wasn't him.

He puts his cup down. "I'm sorry you had to see that. Your guides should never have taken you there."

"I wasn't taken there," I snap. "We found them together. Well, Dathid found them first, but he..."

But then he showed them to me. He showed them to everyone else too, but maybe they were acting.

No, that's stupid. I wasn't taken there on purpose. They were as appalled as I was...or maybe they weren't? Dathid was gone for a long time before we met at the village entrance. We could've easily avoided the entire town. He often flies overhead to make sure the air is clear, too. Why did they take me there?

"Agatha," Ziras says, interrupting my thoughts. "Do you know what generational anger is?"

I shake my head. I don't want to have another philosophical discussion. I want to yell at Dathid.

"Well," he continues, ignoring my lack of response. "It's an anger that is passed from generation to generation in families. Many people suffer from it. Some don't even know why they're angry. Just deep inside, there's a festering rage that exerts itself in many ways throughout their lives."