Peace For Him

6

I sat in my car staring off into space. I would never get to do the things I want most with the person I want. Jackson was it for me. I knew it from our very first date.

Nine and a half months ago.....

"Hi, it's nice to finally meet you in person, you know other than at Dina's Diner," Jackson said with a stifled laugh as he got into my car.

We went to high school together and had never really crossed paths, but I knew of him. We met for the first time a year ago at my job, I sat him down and I thought he was cute, but he had a girlfriend and I had a boyfriend, so I just left it at that and didn't think about him until we matched on tinder a year later. It started as just jokes then I realized how cool he really was. Then finally we had our first date.

"It is pretty cool meeting you... so I have a few things I wanna do, what did you want to do?" I asked.

We mainly just shopped around and then we got food. We then went to a river and watched the sun set. That day was one I'll never forget. There was so much adventure. I truly felt alive for the first time in years.

Present Day....

I started thinking of our future.

Well the future we were supposed to have.

The one we never got to experience.

Him asking for my hand in marriage, not failing to ask my father for permission first. I thought of us moving in together and shopping for groceries. I thought about me telling him I was pregnant. I thought of us painting our baby's room blue or pink. I thought about traveling with him to Fiji, we've been saving for some time. I thought about how we were supposed to get married and we were supposed to grow old together.

That was all just a fantasy now, because he isn't meant for this place any more. I looked at him again and noticed something. He was getting darker circles under his eyes. He was thinning out.

He was weakening. This place. This plane. It's hurting him.

It was in that moment I realized something.

I loved him too much to keep him here. He needed to move on to wherever he was meant to be, and I would do anything to get him there.

"Baby," I said to him and caressed him cheek with my thumb.

He turned and looked at me with his beautiful hazel eyes.

"Yes, my love?" he asked, his voice getting raspy.

A few tears fell out of my eyes.

"I will do anything to get you to where you need to be, so let's find your peace. You aren't meant for this place anymore, you aren't meant for me anymore," I say and his starts tearing up.

"But, I don't want to leave, I want to live here forever with you. I want to love you and hold you and just, just, have you. It's me and you against the world, I don't care how much it hurts me, leaving you would be my hell, I can't do it, baby, I don't want peace. My peace is you, you are all I need," he said and buried his head into my shoulder.

"I love you so much, but I can see what staying here is doing to you, I can't allow you to do this, we're going to find you peace. I'll be right behind you, it'll feel like a few minutes and I'll come and be right next to you like you never left, but we need to do this, I love you too much to let you suffer," I say with voice cracks and tears flowing free.

He just continued to cry into me. He was getting colder by the minute. We needed to get this done. Fast. I didn't know how much longer he had until he was nothing but dust. I sure as hell wasn't going to wait around for it either.

"So baby, what do you need to do?" I asked with determination. I will do whatever it takes to help him get to where he's supposed to be, even if it means living a life without him.