Days better spent

Another one came in last night. It was too dark to see who it was, besides, I couldn't let the nurses know that I was still awake at that hour. The sound of the wailing sirens could be heard in the distance. Sometimes only for a few moments, sometimes they went on continuously. As the sun rose this morning, I propped myself up on the hard bed and went to wash up, making a mental note to make another complaint to Julie about changing the beds to softer ones. She'd usually tell me there were problems with funding. What a load of bull.

As I got back to my ward, everyone was up and breakfast was being served. New Guy hadn't gotten up yet. I could see his thin form still on its side on one of the beds at the back of the room. It was eggs and toast this morning. Nothing special.

The day went on normally. New Guy still hadn't gotten up after breakfast. They must've given him a large dose last night if he hadn't woken up by now. Most of the folk in the room had gone out somewhere, like usual. Probably to the garden. I didn't really know. I usually stayed inside where I have easier access to the things I need. I reached over to the small table positioned next to my bed and grabbed the box of biscuits that was next to the empty vase. I began munching on them.

By morning tea, New Guy began to stir. One of the newer nurses went to him with a small bottle. She helped him sit up by fixing the fluffy white pillow — one of the nicer things around here — for him. I could see him more clearly now. New Guy looked about in his early twenties. He grunted when the nurse tried to help him, though I could not see any visible injury. Must be hurt on the inside, I assumed. Lovesick perhaps? Young men of this generation are too soft. I chuckled softly at my own thought. The nurse shook out a few pellets and gave them to New Guy. He tried to reach for the bottle in the nurse's hand. He wants more? The nurse put the bottle out of his reach and stuck a pointed finger at him. He gave up trying then took one bite of his sandwich and went straight back to sleep. No appetite I guess. Those anaesthetics can do that sometimes. You'd think he's the laziest person in the world if you saw this happening under a different roof, though.

The new nurse came back in again before lunch with a man and a woman. They were about ten years younger than me. They went to the bed at the back of the room and I could hear the woman exclaim something incoherent. She kept on talking for a while longer before the man interrupted her. Then she shouted something back and before anyone could help it, the two were throwing verbal daggers at each other. Women; never figured them out then, won't figure them out now. The shouting had gotten to a level where things got nasty. They even violently pointed to New Guy a few times, trying to make a point. Where was that little nurse? Got scared out of her wits already? I turned back to my biscuits, looking to see if there were any more chocolate ones left. The amateur nurse, who must have been a trainee since she couldn't even handle a situation like this, came back with Julie, head of staff at this wing of the building, to sort out the problem. Soon after, the couple left and peace and quiet returned. New Guy hadn't even stirred throughout that whole ordeal. How peculiar.

He didn't wake during afternoon tea. He didn't move when the folk came back in. He didn't even budge when the other folk started noticing him and crowded around his bed. You'd think the guy was dead! But there was no alarm raised when the other folk crowded around his bed, the machine didn't make that horrible continuous beeeeeeep when the life escaped you, and the amateur nurse didn't say anything when she came in later that night to check everyone.

I made sure to wait a bit longer that night after the lights went out. Making sure that I wouldn't accidentally wake someone up. I didn't need more trouble than I could handle. I began to slowly push my covers off myself. Slowly... Slowly... Then there was something. Fleeting, but there. It was a kind of Shush Shush noise that clothes would make when you moved around in them. It sounded like it came from the back. My movements froze instantly. I had to force myself to even out my breathing to avoid getting caught. The shuffling in the back got louder. Then, I heard soft padded footsteps on the tiled floor. Someone's gotten up. I didn't worry about keeping my eyes closed at that moment. The room was dark enough so that whoever just got up wouldn't notice my eye movements. The shuffling went past me, then, there was the soft opening of the door, free of ominous creaks. The door was closed.

I hurriedly got out of bed, not caring anymore about being discrete in the room, but wanting to catch up with this mysterious figure who had just escaped. Who could he be and why was he going out at such a time in the middle of the night? Momentarily, I forgot about my initial mission to check up on New Guy.

I was on mystery man's trail. Briefly losing him in some corridors then finding him again by listening for that Shush Shush of his gowns. I reached a door at the end of the hallway, making sure to wait a moment before opening it. I could hear my blood pumping inside my veins. The door lead to a flight of stairs and I followed mystery man up. Up and up and up he went. I was puffing by the second floor, my age not allowing me to do any better. This mystery man, I figured, can't be any of the older folk.

It took me a while but I finally reached the top. Opening the door, I was hit by sudden rush of cool air, raising goose bumps on my flesh. I walked through, and stepped into the realm of the night. It was dark out, the only lights coming from the ones situated around the building. No stars. Not like it used to be. Why would someone come out here? There's nothing.

I walked around on my bare feet, cold on the concrete. Suddenly, I heard it again. Shush Shush. Shush Shush. I look to my left to see a silhouetted figure near the edge of the rooftop. I walked closer toward him, intending to call out and ask what he was doing, then I saw him hang his arm over the edge. Now that I was closer, the figure was illuminated by the building's light and I could see that it was New Guy. I also saw something that I hadn't seen before. There was a large white bandage wrapped tightly around his left wrist. Everything came together at that moment; trying to get more pills, his parents arguing over him, sneaking to the rooftop in the middle of the night. My heart skipped at the sudden realisation. "Stop!" I yelled at him in my rough voice. My heart was hammering out of my chest now. "I'm sure there are plenty of other ways to deal with this."

"What? Who's there?" He took his arm back over the edge to turn around.

"You don't have to do this. How about we...talk about this? Whatever's on you mind, we can talk about it," I said in the most reassuring voice I could manage. Which was hard, seeing as I haven't spoken to many young men in my recent years.

"Uh...thanks?" New Guy replied. He eyed me suspiciously, like I was the one who was acting curiously. His eyes suddenly widened and he raised his hands in front on his chest, palms facing outward. "Wait, no. This isn't what it seems like. I wasn't trying to jump."

I stood there dumbfounded. Then, the embarrassment set in. "You weren't?" I asked slowly, shuffling my feet. It was starting to get really cold. He shook his head. "So what were you doing sneaking off in the middle of the night up here?"

"The nurse gave me some sleeping pills and I slept nearly the whole day. I didn't get a chance to go outside today for some fresh air. Do the weird smells ever get to you in that room?"

They used to, but I've been there long enough to get used to them. "Yes, no, sometimes."

There was a moment of awkward silence between us. "I think we should go back before anyone else thinks you're trying to kill yourself," I said. "There's always going to be someone who does that." New Guy raised his eyebrow at me. I cleared my throat. "It happened to me a couple times I was here."

We both went back down to our ward and into our respective beds. I didn't get to sleep as well as I'd hoped. New Guy, on the other hand, could be heard snoring softly at the back of the room.