Nahulog ~

Ang aking tipikal na lunes ng umaga ay, gumising, magalmusal, magsipilyo, maligo at dumiretso sa paaralan. Boring nu? What I want to actually tell you is ngayon ang araw na ako ay magpapakamatay.

Doon sa abandonadong gusali, dalawang bloke lamang sa bahay ng aking mga magulang ako'y tatalon. Pagdating ko roon, tumingin ako sa aking relos, halos 7:30 na. There's no going back, ito na talaga, oras ng tumalon Riz.

Sa harap ko may basag na salaming bintana, dahan-dahan akong lumapit, doon ako'y tumayo sa maliit na espasyo. From here maaaring makita ang bahay ng magulang ko, sa magkakapitbahay kami lang ang may kulay dilaw na bubong, so for sure that's the place I've been living for 18 years. I can also see the school I'm recently in as a senior. Ma-mimiss ko mga kaibigan ko doon. Especially si Sherrie, magbestfriend kami nun since freshmen year.

Handa na ako, sabi ko sarili ko.

Buntong-hininga kong sinira ang aking mata, I saw flashes of familiar faces nila Mama, Papa, Sherrie, my four annoying siblings, and Allen; they were all smiling at me. It seems like they don't want me to go. Goddammit.

Huminga ako ng malalim.

This is it.

Ako'y humakbang.

One step

Two step

One more Riz.

Before I could have my one last moment...I got suprised!

Biglang my malakas na music; that starts playing just feet away from me. It sounds like, a woman singing in a very soulful voice with catchy beating of drum. It actually sounds good.

Natagpuan ko ang aking sarili looking at someone. Isang lalaki nakatayo, hawak hawak ang kanyang mobile phone which where the musik that distracted me came from.

"Hi. My phone fell and as you can see my earphone was accidentally taken off..so did I disturb something..maybe I shouldn't be here..uhm..I'll go now..just don't mind me." sabi ng lalaki as he uncomfortably explained himself.

Hindi ko alam ang sasabihin. Should I say something back? Oh god, he can totally see me trying to kill myself which I am, silly me. Ano ka ba Riz! nahiya ka pa! Go na! He doesn't care, like anyone could careless..

Should I just jump? but if I did, baka isipin na kasalanan niya na tumalon ako. I don't wanna be a bother to anyone before I go. What should I do. This is epically awkward. The struggle is real nga naman.

Siguro maya na ako tumalon, I should help myself out from here. Pag-alis nitong lalaking ito, I'll continue this suicide thingy. I don't want anyone see me jumping off 'cuz for sure its pretty damn truamatic to watch.

"Wait a sec. Let me see, let me stop this annoying song playing, haha" sabi ng lalaki, habang disrakted sa pagpatay ng kanyang phone, ako'y biglaang nadulas as I fabulously failed to try to come inside the building.

"AAAAAAAAAAaaaaaa!hhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!" sigaw ko.

oh my god

oh my god

I'm going to die

Before I know it, suddenly nakahawak pa pala ako sa gilid ng espasyo. Jusko po, jusko po. Jesus take the wheel na nga!! Naku! Naku! Ano ka ba Riz! ito di ba ang gusto mo! magpakamatay! ngayon ka pa mag aayaw!! let it go na!

I closed my eyes.

Riz take a deep deep deeeeeeeeeeep breatheeeee.

This is it Riz.