I will never be good enough

part 1

Hey, my name is Hazel North. You might not now me, but you might know my brother. His name is Austin North, yes right, THE Austin North. He played Topper Thornton in Outer Banks, Logan Watson in I Didn't Do It, Oz in All Night and Dean in See Dad Run. I also have an older sister. Her name is Lauren and she is 26. Austin is 25, only a year younger than her and I am 23. I live in Los Angeles. I moved out with my parents only a few days ago. I'm living my dream. I just went out of collage. After a few weeks with my parents, I needed to move out. I couldn't stand them anymore. I mean I love them but I don't have to be with them every day. Anyways, I got my dream job and I live in my dream city. My whole life, no one knew me and I preferred to keep my brother a secret. But now that I live here in LA, I will meet Austin's friends. But right now, I am sitting on the floor of my living room, unpacking the last moving boxes. I grab an old photo of me and my siblings. Austin was five, Lauren six and I was three. We were sitting on the old bench, standing in our garden. It was very old and about to break, so mom and dad were going to throw it away. We loved the bench because it had a meaning to us. When Austin was born, mom and dad took a picture of him and Lauren on the bench. Then I was born and the two were holding me. I have two pictures standing on two small tables in my living room. The third and newest picture stands on my bedside table. Every time I feel lonely or sad, I just take it and press it to my chest. And then it feels like they hug me. That is why I always keep it close to me. You have to know, I have never been like the cool or popular girl. I have always been the weird nerdy girl that never wanted to go to any parties. I didn't even go to prom. I hate such things. The people make me feel anxious and make me nervous. That is why I'm usually staying home and at work I'm not really into working with others. I never told anyone, except my journal. I really love to write. I even write stories myself but only in notebooks. Also I love to read. That is why I have a huge bookshelf in the living room. I have everything. Fantasy, Romances, Sci-Fi, and a lot more. My favorites are still all the Marvel Comics I have collected since my fifth birthday. Also I have a Collection of every Teen Wolf Season. Without friends, I have a lot of time to watch TV. Every time someone was trying to be my friend, I pushed them away and became a total bitch. As you see, I was able to survive without any friends. When I was around 16 years old, I used to stay in my room for days and just lay on my bed, listening to music and writing texts. After college, the first day with my family and now here in LA, I was totally happy. And this afternoon, Austin will come over and we'll have dinner together. I stand up and fold the box together. I look at the clock, hanging on the wall. HOLY SHIT! It's 3:30 pm already. Austin will be here in half an hour. I rush into mg room and put the box to the others. Then I open my closet and go through my clothes. I'm still wearing my chill outfit. After 10 minutes I found something to wear.

I look at myself in the mirror and make sure everything is right. I go into the kitchen and grab a brochure I picked up at a restaurant I passed on my way to work today. I dial the number on my phone and order some food. Ten minutes later, the door bell rings. I open the door and my older brother stands right in front of me.

Austin: Hey little sister! Missed me?

Me: Of course!

He pulls me into a long hug.

Austin: Can I come in?

Me: Yeah, sure!

We enter my apartment and he looks around.

Austin: It looks great!

Me: I have to tell you, I needed to order some food because I forgot the time.

Austin: I already knew. I texted you like 20 times and you didn't reply.

Me: Really? I am so sorry!

Austin: It's fine! At least I can get a fine meal now!

I'm not that much of a cook. And everyone knows that. I hit my brother gently.

Austin: You know, I am telling the truth.

We laugh and sit down on the couch.

Austin: I'm proud of you, Hazel!

Me: Thanks! But I still can't compare to you!

Austin: Just because I'm an actor, doesn't mean you are not as good as me. You might be even better.

Me: Shut up! I'm not!

Austin: You are.

Me: Can we please stop?

He chuckles.

Austin: Love you!

Me: Love you too!

The food arrives and we start eating.

Austin: So, Hazel. I was thinking. Since you live here in LA now, we could arrange a meeting with my friends. I have told everyone so much about my little sister that they can't wait to meet you.

Me: Oh god! Austin?! Now I'm nervous!

Austin: You don't have to be! We are going to have dinner tomorrow.

Me: Everyone?

Austin: Yeah. Chase, Madelyn, Madison, Rudy, Jonathan and me. And I was wondering, maybe you wanna come.

I take a deep breath.

Me: Sure, why not?

Austin: Great! I'll tell them!

Me: I'm already excited.

Austin: Just try to be nice, okay? I know how you are around other people. They are really really nice. So try to be nice too.

Me: I'll try, Austin.

Austin: That's my sister!

I smile and continue eating. Friday night, having dinner with my brother and Saturday night, having dinner with him and his friends. That kinda sounds like a sad single life. Oh wait. It is. I chuckle of the thought.

Austin: What?

Me: Nothing. I was just thinking how my life is like the most sadly life in all time.

Austin: Shut up! I know you. You'll find your person one day. Who knows, maybe the right one will be there tomorrow.

Me: Those are your friends, Austin. I'd never start a thing with your friend.

Austin: Right. But you don't know how it feels like to be in love.

Me: I don't?

Austin: You've never had a boyfriend.

Me: That doesn't mean, I haven't been in love yet.

Austin: Have you?

Me: Nope. Nope I haven't.

We laugh and my brother winks at me.