The Hand of Crimson

Chapter 9: Denial

The morning after, I awoke to the sunlight streaming though my window and my blaring alarm. Blearily, I flung out and slapped the alarm, trying to get it to turn off. “Shuddup…” I grumbled, hitting at the infernal device again. I forgot how strong I was at that point and with one last croak of its alarm, the clock fell to the floor in a thousand pieces. As I heard the smash and felt the metal crumble beneath my fist like a cookie, my eyes opened. “Oops.”

A sigh shuddered through my body as I dressed, still reluctant to get up. I didn’t have much choice though. I tried to be careful of how fast I was going. I didn’t wanna make my mom too suspicious or anything. Besides, I had to be careful all the time anyway. My mom was waiting at the table for me. She must have come back while I was at Jennifer’s house.

“Oh, hey, mom.”
“Hey there. Didn’t see you last night. I assume you were out with Jennifer?”
“I do have more friends than just Jennifer you know, mom.” I muttered, a smile tugging at the corners of my lips.
“Yeah, but none that you spend nearly as much time with as Jen.”
“I… can’t argue there. But as it happens, yeah, I was over at Jen’s house. Just for a bit.”
“Well, I’m just glad you girls are such good friends.”
“Yeah, so am I.” I muttered, my cheeks flushing a pale pink as I sat down with a glass of orange juice.
“No breakfast?”
“Uh, no, I’m not so good actually. I threw up while I was at Jen’s so I’m trying to stay off food for a bit.” It wasn’t exactly untrue, but it definitely wasn’t vomit that I’d thrown up last night. But I couldn’t exactly get into all that with my mom. She was a God-fearing Christian woman. If I confessed that I was possessed by a demon, she’d probably try and kill me herself. Or just not believe me and I waasn’t sure which was worse. Neither was good anyway.
“Oh, that’s too bad. I hope you’re not coming down with something.”
“Yeah, same.” I muttered, distracted.

I just sat down and slowly sipped at my juice as I thought about how Jennifer knew what was going on. I wondered how she’d react in the light of day. But if it was anything like how she’d reacted the night before, I didn’t have anything to worry about. But even so, I was a little worried by it. Understandably so. If she said anything to anyone, they’d think she was crazy or get suspicious, depending on what exactly she said. Neither was good. But it was more than that. What if she judged me? What if she didn’t wanna be friends with a demon? What if she started hating me for it? She wasn’t exactly a Christian, but I was a fucking demon. She was and always had been my best friend. I didn’t know what I would do if she just stopped liking me.

My brow furrowed as I worried about it, fiddling with my necklace as I did. Feeling my mom’s eyes on me, I dropped the necklace and tried to look calm and not worried at all, though that was kinda difficult when I was being possessed by a demon that wanted me to kill and eat half the boys I came into contact with. I still had no idea how I was going to deal with any of this. But I tried not to think of that. Not here anyway. I couldn’t let anything slip here.

“Is there something wrong, Needy?” She asked, noticing how nervous I looked despite my best efforts.
“No, nothing’s wrong. I’m fine.”
“Are you sure? You don’t look so good. Maybe you are coming down with something.”
“I, uh, maybe. I’m not feeling too bad though, mom. But I should be going to school anyway.”
“Oh, alright then. Have fun.”
“Sure.” I muttered, grabbing my bag and knowing that I probably wouldn’t.

When I got to class, I winced. Jennifer was sat right in her seat. My heart raced at the mere sight of her. Maybe I shouldn’t have told her last night. Maybe she would say something. Maybe she’d hate me. I tried to swallow, but my throat was as dry as a desert. I didn’t have a choice, but go into that classroom and sit next to her. I did so with an invisible guard forcing me to walk there.

Avoiding her eyes, I took my seat. Despite avoiding her gaze, I tried to look at her from the corner of my eye. She seemed to be grinning and quite happy to see me. My brow furrowed. I turned to her, guessing it was okay since she seemed happy. I just hoped it wasn’t that she was happy to turn me in.

“So, are your spidey senses tingling?” She chuckled, seemingly amused by my new-found powers.
“I don’t have spidey senses, remember?”
“I mean spidey senses of like, I don’t know, boys you’re gonna eat or boys you’re jealous of me for.” She smirked at me, clearly in a teasing and playful mood. I grinned at her. I loved when she was in this kind of mood.
“No, I don’t have any of those. If it’s a guy I’m gonna eat, I don’t really get a feeling. The big factor in those two was jealousy and hunger. I was hungry, so I had Roman. I was jealous, so I almost had Jonas. But if it’s a guy I’m jealous of you for, I don’t know until I start feeling jealous. I still don’t know why, though.”
“Oh, I do, I do.” She said excitedly. Probably the first time she’s actually wanted to answer a question in a school. “Maybe you’re actually getting some taste. Maybe I’m rubbing off on you finally.”
“I don’t know. Maybe, but I doubt it somehow.”
“Well, I do.” She muttered, sticking her tongue out at me. I rolled my eyes, but stuck my tongue out right back at her.

Unfortunately, the teacher came in at that moment. “Needy and Jennifer. Stop being so childish and pay attention to the class please.” He admonished us, giving us a rather disapproving look as he shook his head. I rolled my eyes again, but put my tongue away. For now.
“What, are you trying to tongue each other but don’t know how cos you’re a big virgin?” Chastity snipped, taking the opportunity to both insult me and call me gay. Again.
“I’m not a goddamn virgin. Why do people keep thinking that? And I’m not gay either. You know I have a boyfriend.”
“Oh, yeah, cos you’re really close with your boyfriend. I think you’d have anyone you could get besides your boyfriend. You’re such a fucking whore. I saw you out with Jonas yesterday.”
“Make up your mind, Chastity. Am I a slut or a virgin?”
“Both. You wanna be a slut, but no one will have you besides that fucking dog you call a boyfriend, so you’re a virgin. But you’re still trying to be a slut and that’s why you were with Jonas. Oh, and you’re totally lesbegay.” I couldn’t hold back at that. There were just too many insults to hold back. I stood up and swung at her. I forgot how much strength I had and didn’t try and hold back. Both Chastity and her chair went flying into two other girls, knocking them too.

The room turned deadly silent as everyone looked at the scene before them. My eyes were wide and I was breathing heavy, just

Finally, the teacher realized what was going on, but it was pretty much over by then. “Girls! Chastity, get up and don’t egg anyone on. Needy, get straight to the office right now.” He ordered in a tone that left no room for argument.
“Like she can do anything straight.” Chastity scoffed as she heaved herself up from the ground.
“Back off, bitch. I’m not fucking gay.”
“Yeah, right. You were just making out with Jennifer.”
“We weren’t making out, for fuck’s sakes!”
“Yeah, but you might as well be.” At that, I snapped. I could’ve swung for her again, but I barely knew what was happening. There were so many emotions going through me. Mostly rage and denial. For some reason, that insult hit me hard. I didn’t care when she called me a virgin. I didn’t even care when she insulted my boyfriend. But when she said I was gay, it was just too much.
“I’m not in love with Jennifer!” I yelled, far too loud. Everything went quiet. Even Chastity stopped. Jennifer hadn’t looked at me for a while. Her head was down and she tried not to do or say anything that would attract attention to her. My heart raced as I realized what I’d said and how quiet it had suddenly gotten. What I’d just said wasn’t even relevant to what she’d just said. My mind spiraled and my face fell as I started to question why I’d even said that.

The teacher snapped me out of my reverie. “Needy! Get to the office like I told you to. Chastity, shut up.”
“Fine. I’ll fucking go.” I muttered, picking up my desk and throwing it in the general direction of Chastity. It hit the wall. Hard. I didn’t try and hold back, so the power behind it was probably pretty big. It smashed apart and pieces of wood flew everywhere. They didn’t hit anyone, but I didn’t really care if they did. I just picked up my bag and left without a second glance, though I wished I’d looked at Jennifer. I didn’t want her to be mad at me, though that ship had probably sailed by that point.

By the time I got to the office, they’d already been told what happened. They just gave me disparaging looks. I knew my mom would have to come and pick me up and then I’d get a stern talking to from her, but it wasn’t like I cared. She’d given me enough talkings to and it wasn’t like she was going to do anything. She might ground me, but she can’t stop me from going to Jen’s house. I’d been going for too many years for her to stop that. Besides Jen, the only person I really hung out with was Chip, and I wasn’t interested in seeing him at that point anyway. So, I just sat there, waiting for her to come for me.

It wasn’t long until she did. She walked in with a scowl, giving me a silent stare. I got up and silently followed her, rolling my eyes.
“What the hell has gotten into you? When you said you weren’t feeling great this morning, I didn’t think that meant you were in the mood to throw some poor kid around.” She muttered to me when we were in the car. She didn’t want to get into it when we were outside, but the car gave her the privacy she needed before she started lay into me.
“She isn’t some poor kid, mom. She was egging me on and being mean.”
“What was she saying?”
“She called me gay.”
“That’s it? That’s not even an insult. The gays aren’t people to be scared of or hate or something, Needy. It doesn’t matter if you are or aren’t gay, you shouldn’t be upset by that or take it as an insult.”
“But, mom-”
“No. I don’t wanna hear it. Someone calling you gay doesn’t mean you can punch her like that or throw a goddamn table at her.”
“I… Fine. Sorry, mom.” I muttered reluctantly. I didn’t wanna apologize. I hadn’t done anything wrong. But I knew I wasn’t getting out of this without apologizing, so I might as well get it over with.
“You’re forgiven. You’re grounded, but you’re forgiven.” She muttered just as reluctantly. “What have you been eating, by the way? I never knew you were that strong to throw a table like that or throw a punch like that. The way the school described it, you’d think you had super strength or something.” I blushed at that, avoiding looking at her. She didn’t know how close to the truth that statement was.
“I guess I don’t know my own strength.” I muttered, staring out the window.

The rest of the car ride was silent and I went straight up to my room. Mostly to get away from her and try and contact Jen.

Footsteps echoed through my room as I paced up and down, dialing Jen’s number. She picked up almost immediately.
“What’s going on, Needy? What the fuck was that?”
“I- I don’t know. I guess I just lost control of it. I’m sorry, Jen.”
“You should be sorry. I can’t have people thinking I’m friends with a fucking weirdo who does shit like that.”
“Yeah, I guess so. You’re not mad at me, right?”
“I… No, of not. Why would I be mad? You were being a badass out there, just maybe keep the whole power thing on the down low.”
“Oh… I just thought when it happened that you looked, I don’t know… Upset or something. You were looking down and… You looked disappointed or ashamed or something.”
“Oh… That. I was just annoyed that she’d rile you up like that, but I wasn’t upset with you. Just what she was saying.” I wasn’t sure if she was actually telling the truth or not, but she didn’t sound upset with me, so I didn’t question it too much.
“How is she?”
“She’s at the nurse’s office pretending to be at death’s door. She’s claiming you broke her jaw, despite the fact that she can plainly talk and it really wasn’t that bad.” She giggled.
“I hope she’s not too badly hurt. She’s a pain in the ass, but doesn’t deserve to be hurt badly.” I could practically hear Jen’s eyes roll at that.
“She’s more than just a pain in the ass. She’s a cunt and a big one at that.”
“Jen! You’re gonna get kicked out the school too with that language.”
“Its not like they can hear me. They gave us an early recess cos of you guys. I mean they did need to get a new desk in that classroom.” She giggled.
“I guess that’s understandable. I’m glad you’re having fun slagging her off then.”
“Very much so. But I’m sick of talking about her. How did it go with the office?”
“They sent me home with my mom. She had a go at me, trying to make out that Chastity was the victim. Long story short, I’m grounded. She didn’t say how long for.”
“Ass. Its not like it matters much. You can still come and see me cos she can’t stop you doing that. Just means you won’t be able to see French Fry.”
“Chip. And yeah, that’s true.”
“Who cares, though? I mean, you’re losing interest in him anyway.”
“I mean I guess.”
“Shit. I gotta go. They’re calling us back in. Talk later, Monistat.”
“Later, Vagisil.”

I hung up and sighed. I wasn’t sure if it was a sigh of relief or stress. So much was happening and it was getting too much.

I still had no idea what was going on with me. It all made sense. Except it didn’t. Why was I still jealous of everyone? Why was I so out of control with Chastity? Why was I so scared?

I just flopped down on my bed and stared up at the blank ceiling as I thought it over.