Summary:
Jake notices that Felix never goes swimming with them and one day he accidently finds him taking off his clothes. He is shocked by the things hidden under Felix's shirt and confronts him about it late at night.
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Felix was weird.
Jake always had known that and now he was stuck in this even weirder world with him and the two others.
But god damn it if Felix would not wash himself soon, Jake would make him. Not that he wasn't used to bulling him, he kind of bitterly thought to himself.
Earlier they had all been in the river again, apart from Felix who as always had just stayed on the rocks looking into his black book.
And now Andy and Sam had gone into town and Jake had first meant to tag along but then turned back to the shack to take a nap.
Just as he turned the corner he saw Felix disappearing in the other direction. Out of curiosity he followed him and hid in the trees when Felix made it down to the river.
Maybe he did not need to force Felix to go into the water after all.
Just as Felix starts lifting his t-shirt, Jake means to turn around to leave Felix alone as he feels strange watching the boy like that.
But he catches a sight of Felix upper body and stops in his steps and stares.
Simply stares at the other boy. Their are scars and what look like burns littering here and there Felix's skin, contrasting harshly with the ever so bright skin.
And Felix is really thin. Even from here he can almost see every rip poking out.
Jake does not know what to do.
A second later Felix has stripped out of his trousers and wades into the water in just his pants.
Jake considers running but he feels rooted in his hiding spot.
Suddenly there is movement close to him in the trees and Sam and Andy step out onto the riverbank out of breath, screaming for Felix to get out of the water.
From here only Felix's head is visible but Jake can see the panic in Felix's eyes and steps out as well, pretending that he just arrived, asking the other two what is going on.
They explain that they saw something very weird at the edge of the town, great more weird things and that they should immediately go there together.
Sam throws an annoyed glance at Felix, "First you never seem to care to wash and now you finally do you can't get out the water anymore, Freak."
Felix opens his mouth, "Ehm..."
"Hey what about we already go up to the shack, I am sure Felix will be with us in a second," Jake jumps in and drags Andy and Sam along with him, casting a quick look back towards Felix who stares at him for a second.
A few minutes after they get to the shack Felix joins them, his wet hair hanging down his head.
Jake can't help but look at Felix in another light. He did not know what was going on, but felt like he needed to know.
But before he could dwell on it any longer Andy made them get up and run towards whatever they had found in town.
It was only in the evening when they had made it exhaustively back to the shack that Jake thought more about what he had seen earlier at the river.
While Andy and Sam were busy scraping up some kind of dinner, Jake looked over at Felix, who was sitting on his sleeping back with his back leaning against the wall, his hands playing absentmindedly with his lighter.
Suddenly a thought struck Jake, before he had thought that someone else was causing those marks on Felix.
But maybe the boy was inflicting all those marks and burns on himself. Was that possible?
Jake closed his eyes for a moment, once again a feeling of worry washing over him.
Later once they have all gone to bed and the shack is drenched in darkness, Jake can't fall asleep.
His mind is filled with Felix and for a selfish moment he almost wishes he had not seen Felix earlier.
He knows he needs to confront Felix at some point, the question is just when and how.
The next day he watched Felix more closely and he did notice that he did not eat much but then, they all did at the moment, they did not have much of a choice.
At one point he was left alone with Felix for a moment and he was tempted to say something but then something had stopped him and soon they were joined by Andy and Sam again and the moment had passed.
He told himself to try again the next day. He realized what a jerk he had been in the past and wanted to change this. And he felt like this was a good way to start.
He did not need to wait until the next day. He was laying awake in his bed, thinking all the others were asleep.
Then he heard the ruffle of a sleeping bag to his left and light footsteps leading towards the door. Jake sat up lightly in his bed and saw a little glimpse of Felix's body before they door closed behind the other boy.
Jake checked if Andy and Sam were still asleep and then put his jacket back on before leaving out of the same door.
He did not need to look long for Felix who was leaning against the shack with his eyes closed and his hand holding tightly onto the talisman.
When Jake gently whispered the other boy's name, Felix whole body jumped and his eyes opened comically wide before his eyes settled on Jake and he calmed down a bit.
Jake chuckled lightly and sat down next to Felix. For a while neither of them spoke until Felix took the word. "Jake, you okay?"
Jake looked at the boy sitting next to him and said, "Under the giving circumstances I would say yes. What about you, Felix?"
Felix lowered his eyes and nodded, "Me too."
Jake spoke again, struggling, "I know I already said it the other day but I want to say it to you again. I was an idiot and a jerk before. I am sorry for all the things I did to you."
Jake reached out with his hand to touch Felix's shoulder but let it drop again before he reached him. Felix turned to him with a small smile and said, "Thanks, Jake."
They smiled at each other for a moment and then silence took back over. After a few minutes, Felix started to stand and said, "Time to sleep."
This time Jake did reach out and took a hold on Felix's hand and pulled him back down. Somehow they ended up a lot closer than before.
Felix fixed him with a confused stare but Jake suddenly seemed to find his own hands very interesting.
Felix layed a hand on Jake's shoulder, "Hey, what is it? Spit it out."
"I'm sorry, I did not mean to... I saw you at the river two days ago. I... You...," he broke off speaking quietly.
He was met by silence, when he turned to look at Felix, the Goth had pulled his legs up to his chest and was hugging them, not meeting Jake's eyes.
Jake did not know what to say. "You... do you want to talk about it?" A few moments later, he added, "I can keep a secret. ... But you don't have to say anything, I just want to know if you are ... okay I guess."
Jake moved slightly to his left, and lightly pressed his shoulder against Felix's shoulder.
For a long time they stayed sitting there in silence. Felix did not say anything but he did not pull away or leave, so Jake stayed.
At some point, Felix started speaking in a whisper. "I know you know about Oscar. How his stupid brother made him fall out of a tree, which made him end up in a wheelchair. In the real world, he will never walk again. I much prefer this world, at least Oscar can walk and my parents are also a lot happier here," Felix stopped speaking for a moment. "Do you know how it is to constantly feel guilty?"
Jake waited for a moment to speak and then said, "So you started using your body's surface as a way to deal with that feeling?"
He felt Felix flinch next to him and Jake put one of his hands on Felix's arm.
Felix closed his eyes, willing for the tears burning behind to disappear. "It started ... with an accident, I was playing with my lighter and burned my forearm. Another time I accidentally cut myself while working on something for class. And it hurt. But it made things easier to cope with. And so it started happening more often. But soon I realized that people would be able to see and so I moved away from my wrists to my body. Things are pretty easy to hide as a goth. Well anyway, now you have another reason to call me Freak."
This time it was Jake's turn to flinch, "Felix, don't... you are not a Freak. And it wasn't your fault that Oscar fell, shit things like that happen." Jake had turned fully towards Felix and was watching his face. "When was the last time?"
Felix's eyes hardened and he did not look at Jake. So he backpedaled, "Sorry, I did not mean to push."
This made Felix turn towards him and barely audible whispered," The same day you saw me at the river."
Jake's breath quickened for a moment. He brought his arms up and put them around Felix pulling him into a hug, catching Felix by surprise who fell into his chest.
For a while Felix stayed still until he seemed to realize that Jake was not ready to let go and Felix hesitantly returned the hug burring his head in Jake's shoulder.
Jake closed his eyes and held Felix a bit tighter. He had not meant to hug Felix, as they were only on non- bullying terms since a week but now he was glad he did.
He felt like Felix needed to be hugged and in all honesty it felt nice to be hugged himself. He slowly felt some of the stress and worries seep out of his shoulders.
Afterwards neither of the two could have said, how long they stayed out there in the darkness holding on to each other.
At some point they let go and without saying another word, together they went back inside and were both asleep a few moments later.
The next morning Felix was already gone when Jake woke up but then they passed each other a bit later in front of the shack, Felix held Jake's arm for a moment to stop him and said quietly, "Thank you, Jake."
Before Jake could say anything, Felix had disappeared inside the shack. But Jake understood.
