untitled (2) trixya

chapter twenty one

"katya you have to get up and do something if you ever going to go back to normal, i want you to go at your own pace but its been almost a month since youve gotten out of the hospital."

i rolled my eyes, since the incident i felt like i was being drowned in guilt. my dad hadnt said a word to me and trixie and i had only spoken once since her visit to the hospital.

"maybe its time you start slowly transitioning back to school? theres only a couple weeks until christmas break. plus the SATs are coming up kat."

"mom i told you i dont want to go to college, therefore none of this matters."

"then what are you going to do katya? you cant just rot away in your bed."

"fine mom, fine, ill go to school in the morning, will that make you happy? ive been keeping up with my work and with my therapy appointments what more do you want from me?"

"i want you to suceed, you are so talented and i dont want to see that go to waste, you're obviously not happy here in this bed so a change of scenery is worth a shot."

maybe she was right, im pretty sure this was rock bottom for me. id be miserable here or miserable there, at least id get to see trixie there.

"ill go tommorow morning."

"thats all i ask, if its too much you can leave at any time i just want you to at least try my dear."

id put my mom through hell during my life and i decided that i was doing this for her. she deserved better.

that night was rough, i tossed and i turned and the cravings were insatiable. sleeping without aid was a task considering my brain was like a prison. no not a prison, a burning car. i felt trapped. when i was doing the drugs it was so euphoric, like i was going 100 down a backroad with the music blaring. but suddenly i hit a bump in the road which caused the car to go out of control. the overdose was like i was spiraling out and waking up was like the car slamming into tree. the recovery process feels as if im stuck in that burning car, the flames licking up at me are the constant cravings and reminders of how much better i felt before, the now demolished car represents the hopes and dreams i once had a child, but at least i walk away from this metaphorical wreck with something beneficial. the scars remind me of just how low ive been, and remind me to never go back.

i wanted to wake up and just throw a fit not to go to school but i knew that it was now or never. only a few more months katya. and hey, i get to see trix. i missed her smile, her big blonde hair, the way her breath felt on my neck, the warm hugs, and even just her incredible teaching skills. i knew i let her down and had to prove to her that im not just another dumb teenager who is going to throw away her life. i put on an oversized band tee with my favorite black jeans and my chunky black boots. i added a flannel and a few necklaces and rings and somewhat styled my hair then headed out. this was the best id looked in months, which said alot.

they never tell you about the stares. ive been out of school for over a month and of course the rumors were flying. everyone looked at me as if i were an alien.

"shes alive!!!!!" adore ran up to me and hugged me as tight as she could.

"i look pretty good for a dead bitch," i smiled.

violet and ginger both hugged me as well, "kat, we love you and we are going to be here for you every step of the way," ginger whispered into my ear.

it was weird knowing these were the same girls who kinda got me started on my bad path, but now seeing them so remorseful? i guess me almost dying was what they needed.

"ms. zamolodchikova! its so nice to have you back, mind if i have a word with you in my office?" our principal spoke.

"yes mrs. visage," i followed her across the hall into her office.

"take a seat please."

i followed her instructions.

"now katya all of the staff has been made aware of your situation. please work at your own place and if you ever need to step out by all means go ahead but please dont make me regret giving you this power. i just wanted to personally welcome you back and well if you need anything you know where my office is and im sure our conselor would be delighted to visit with you as well. good luck today."

"thank you mrs.visage, my goal at this point is just to graduate, im keeping my head down, i wont worry you too much."

"good, now you dont wanna be late for your first class, move along."

i stepped out of her office where violet, ginger, and adore were waiting.

"what did monster michelle want?" violet grabbed me by my hand and started walking.

"for the first time in history she was actually acting like a human with feelings."

the three girls busted out into laughter.

"guys im serious she was actually nice to me, it was weird as fuck."

"c'mon lets just get to class we can talk about her later."