He Was A Skaterboi (Completed)

5: August 2019

August 2019

They don't kiss again.

By mutual consent, they don't discuss it either. Kongpob knows if they did, he might say something that Arthit couldn't forgive. Because as much as he enjoyed kissing him, loves his company, he can't be with another guy. He has to carry the family name, after all. It's the only thing his father insists on.

But they do meet more often, pushing their bi-weekly skating to at least every other day.

At first, it's fine. Kongpob still sees the guys from school, still shows up to their skating sessions, but he knows it's not the same as before.

There hasn't been a party for almost a month and Oak keeps pressing him about when his parents will be away next. But Kongpob stays firm, refusing to invite them round.

Instead his evenings are spent swimming with Arthit, playing pool with Arthit, and watching a ridiculous number of classic shows curled up together on his bed. All the while, Kongpob's watching him from the corner of his eye, aware of every moment he makes and desperately wishing he could act on his feelings.

One day, Arthit gives him a look and then reaches out with a cool hand. They hold hands, Kongpob learning to link their fingers without blushing, Arthit tugging him closer and draping an arm around his shoulders. It's intimate and comfortable and enough.

Kongpob shakes off his anxious feelings and tries to simply enjoy it without feeling guilty.

It's easier than he thinks.

They take turns to stroke Tilda until she slinks away, annoyed, and eat so many snacks that the housekeeper starts to stock multiple packs, tucking them discreetly into Kong's wardrobe from where he can produce them at will as needed.

It never fails to make Arthit smile, Kongpob darting between his shirts before he lobs bags of gummies and pretzels onto the bed. And when Arthit smiles, Kongpob can't stop his answering grin.

They finish Pride & Prejudice and Arthit gasps over the lake scene and then the confession scene and then the wedding. And Kongpob laughs, happy and free.

Kong's parents check in from time to time but rarely stay, always somewhere in between parties or business events or holidays away. For once Kongpob doesn't care. Time with Arthit is better than time with them after all.

In late August his hippy mother visits and happens upon Arthit hovering outside the front door.

She welcomes him with a warm smile and encourages him to join them for burgers and shakes, talking a mile a minute about her life since she last came by. And Arthit is the perfect guest, he listens politely and nods in all the right places and tells her all about his hometown in return.

Kongpob finds himself leaning in, lapping up all the stories he's never heard before and marvelling that his mother is the one teasing them out of his friend.

Eventually, the talk turns to them being sixteen, with their futures stretching out before them. His mother is the one who brings up Arthit's plans and Kongpob listens closely as he outlines his desire to go to college and pursue his twin loves: music and skateboarding.

Kongpob hadn't known about the music and stores away Arthit's shy grin as his mother interrogates him about the band he sometimes plays with.

Maybe he'll ask Arthit to play him a song sometime. If the other boy wants to. He hasn't bothered to share it with him before though.. why would he?

Kongpob might think Arthit is speacial, but maybe it doesn't truly go both ways? He's probably just being used as a distraction while Arthit's in town. Someone to skate with, who takes his mind off missing his friends and family and worrying about his home.

It couldn't be more, even if they've kissed. There's nothing serious between them after all (Even if Kong is beginning to wish there were).

Kongpob's just a weird kid with bad friends and a strange obsession with old novels and dramas. He can't even skate that well and he certainly isn't musically gifted

Why would Arthit be interested in him?

Kong hates the way his insecurities spike whenever his mother visits, so he shuts his mouth and lets them talk and ignores his feelings on the subject.

When she asks Arthit if he's seeing anyone, they share a secret glance and Kongpob's heart beats faster and warmer beneath his shirt. Maybe he's wrong?

But then his mother tells Arthit she's desperate for Kongpob to find a girl he can introduce to her and ice cold water floods his chest.

He mumbles something about focussing on his studies and pretends to ignore the way Arthit looks at him.

Like always. He puts himself last.

After, when they've dropped Arthit at Bank's house, his mother praises his choice of friend, saying she likes Arthit much more than any of the others she remembers meeting before. And Kongpob thinks yes, that's probably true and she probably also likes him better than she likes her own son.

But he tries not to let the thought overwhelm him and listens as she tells him to make the most of Arthit and not to let him go and also, in the same breath, to keep looking for a girlfriend. And then she kisses Kongpob goodbye, slipping an envelope into his pocket that he knows is an allowance most young people could only dream of. It burns a hole in his heart and he wonders whether she's ever going to ask him what he spends the money on.

Like always, Kongpob still wants to hold her hand a little longer and he wants to beg her to stay with him. But she's a free spirit and she won't be held down. He knows. She's let him down so many times before.

So he buries it down in his soul and gives her a weak smile and wonders if she knows he paints it on just for her?

Alone in bed he remembers Arthit's smile. The small, proud one as he had talked about his future. And Kongpob wonders what Arthit thinks about him. Whether he's thought about Kong being part of his future.. because Kongpob's starting to think about Arthit in his.

As impossible as it seems, he thinks of holding his hand in public, kissing him at one of his parties and no-one batting an eyelash. Imagines them sharing a home and Tilda slinking around their ankles.

He lets himself think about it, even though he knows it can't come true.

Still, Arthit occupies his thoughts and Kongpob indulges, slipping a hand into his pants as he remembers their first, and only, kiss.

Later, he tamps down any guilty thoughts as he wipes his hands on his bedsheets and remembers Arthit lying there beside him. He squeezes his eyes tightly and tries to remember all the details from that night as he drifts away.

An uneasy sleep takes over him, Arthit's eager face floating through his mind, leaning in as though to kiss him, chasing him on his skateboard with that disappointed frown. Thoughts about Arthit leaving to go back to the town he'd professed his love for, his friends discovering their secret, of Arthit playing love songs to an empty room, Kongpob sneaking glances through the window outside.

When his dreams turn into nightmares, Kongpob's father finding them in bed, his mother bringing over a long line of girls and making him kiss them, Oak and Tew walking in on them laughing together, he wakes up.

Cold sweat runs down his spine and there are tear tracks on his cheeks and pillows and he can't breathe properly until he picks up Tilda and strokes her fur over and over.

He's so on edge at breakfast, that he barks at his step-mom when she suggests he has a party while they're away that night. He feels worthless, like all his efforts in life boil down to his parents thinking he's some kind of party boy and that's all he's worth. And maybe he is?

A party boy who hates parties? Ironic.

After the fly-by visit from his mother, Kongpob is just craving a parent-figure who will see that he's all messed up, that he's broken in many ways and is waiting for someone to tape his missing insides back together.

For someone to tell him that he's okay, that he's normal, that he shouldn't feel guilty.

But still they don't. He fears they never will.