He Was A Skaterboi (Completed)

6: Still August 2019

Still August 2019
When he arrives at the skatepark later that morning, and Arthit greets him like an over-eager puppy, he feels nauseous. He's wonderful. The kind of person Kongpob can confess his deepest fears and loves and admit his sins to, but really, he's just a boy like him. He's not able to piece him back together or give advice that will change Kong's world.

He's just a boy. Arthit's just another boy.

And that's more than half of the problem.

They skate, Kongpob reckless in his moves, like he always is when he feels neglect pulsing in his blood. He's in the zone, pushing himself up the side of the half-pipe and resting on the platform, waiting for his adrenaline to spike before he drops-in. Arthit is watching from below, eyes tracing his features even at this distance.

And Kongpob feels so exposed. Like the hours they spent with Kong's mother extolling the virtues of her hippy life with no son to chain her down, have chiselled away some of the walls he's built around himself. Like every scar is visible. Like Arthit can see him for who he truly is.

Kongpob thinks that Arthit already knows he is weak. That his 'friends' walk all over him and his parents pressure him to be who they expect. That he can't choose for himself.

And he doesn't want that to be Arthit's impression of him. He wants to be stronger. Wants to be someone Arthit would be proud to share with the world.

Hidden away together, Kongpob has let himself wonder if maybe he is? Maybe Arthit would be proud to show him off? He hasn't asked him. Instead Arthit has happily let Kongpob keep their relationship in his room, has let him hide him here at this shitty skatepark on the other side of town without questioning why.

But it's not what he wants from Arthit. Kong wants him to want more from him. Wants to be stronger for him. Wants Arthit to be proud to be seen with him and wants, in turn to feel proud when he's with Arthit.

Kongpob wants to ask him what all this time they've spent together means.. but he just can't. He's weak. Not strong.

These thoughts are tumbling through him as he stands on the flat, board on the edge, one foot settled in the centre of it. He knows he's ready to push off and fall or fly. But he's also afraid. Of course.

"Kongpob? Are you sure you're ready for a drop this big?"

Arthit's yelling from below and Kongpob hears and dismisses his words. He wants to feel something. Something real and reckless and immense and powerful and true.

He wants to feel like himself.

And he wants it to be enough.

Suddenly, he drops in, board hitting the concrete with a shudder that wiggles its way up his legs, into his heart where it settles like a heavy stone. He swoops low, board flying as he hits dead centre and then slides up the other side.

When he reaches the top, he hears Arthit scream his name and it spurs him to reach low and grab the front of his board, spinning himself 180 and swooping back down the pipe.

It's thrilling! It's intense, this feeling of freedom as he flies! He lets the nausea become pleasure and he rolls up the ramp and back until he comes to a natural stop, heart no longer heavy, but dancing to its own beat!

Adrenaline courses through his body and he whoops loudly, letting himself relax as he leaps from his board and straight into Arthit's waiting arms!

They squeeze each other tightly, jumping around in a circle in celebration. Then Kongpob forces himself back, lets their eyes meet and sees both pride and fear in Arthit's gaze.

"You thought I'd fall?"

Arthit's hands tighten around his waist and he inclines his head.

"But I didn't!"

"No, you didn't. You were amazing!"

Kongpob's grin widens and he can't help leaning in, their mouths meeting in a messy kiss.

It's like coming home. Like all his cravings are being fulfilled. It feels good and he lets his feelings lead him, uncaring of what anyone might think of him.

Until he does.

"Whoa! Kongpob's gay!"

"Look at him, he's sucking mouth with that rude guy!"

"Shiiiiit! No wonder you didn't want to date May!"

"That's so gross!!"

"We should have guessed, this is where you've been hiding!"

They draw apart, Kongpob shoving Arthit's eager hands from his skin, the moment soured.

He sees the hurt, the confusion in Arthit's eyes as he steps away to grab his board, then slams it down and centres himself, pushing off and away as quickly as he can without looking back, the catcalls chasing him as he flies.

He knows he's a coward, leaving Arthit behind.

He knows he doesn't deserve to have family who love him or friends who care.

He's weak and broken and nothing.