I feel I've become a joke at this point. What did people do before social media? Can we do that now knowing what happens around us? Is friendship mandatory for happiness? And since we're going through a pandemic, social media friends are all we have.
But are they really your friends if they make you feel like shit? They can turn it into a joke from time to time but that doesn't change it from what it is, humiliation. Whether its public or private, it still affects the mind.
So who's fault is it? Theirs for being rude? Or mine for being around too long? Maybe I should give the "absence makes the heart grow fonder" thing a try. It might just work. I've abandoned so many times it's unbelievable. But I've abandoned some too right? So is this payback? No idea.
The biggest struggle I've faced is trying to fit in. With friends and family both. And most of the time, despite the effort, I don't belong. I wonder how the others feel about me. Or maybe that is the problem? Caring about what others think? Could be.
There are so many tabs open in my head and I'm scared to close even one. I have issues with letting go and moving on. I don't think there's a single therapist who could fix this. My mind is very stubborn. Sometimes I feel I'm being controlled by some force in my head, influencing the bad decisions.
How would you feel if you were alone? How would you feel if you had nobody to call a friend? How would you deal with is?
