cancer, my saviour

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a pain worse than anything

is realizing

you're better off


of realizing 

that she was abusive 

that if she hadn't died

i would've


that the amount of 

suicidal thoughts

weren't even depression

but ongoing trauma


of realizing

she wouldn't have done better

she would've kept going 

until we all

cracked

and then blamed us for 

being selfish

when all we wanted 

all we needed 

was for someone to love us

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