The Youngest Garza

chapter 23

Elizabeth’s point of view

Have you ever felt so torn, that no amount of help can put you back together into one piece?

Have you ever felt so dry that no amount of water can soak you up again?

Have you ever felt so small that no amount of inspiration can build you back up again?

Has there ever been a time in your life where eternal sleep has felt nothing but sweet?

That’s how I feel right now...no, I feel worse but I just can’t seem to find the right words to describe it.

“For the love of God, please eat something boo” Sandra pleads as she places a plate filled to the brim with breakfast I’m not going to eat.

She’s wasting food, what a sinner.

“You know that there are other people who need this food right?” I say as I push the plate away from me.

The smell is tempting but I have no appetite for anything other than the one person that doesn’t want me anymore.

She doesn’t want me anymore... she really doesn’t want me anymore.

“Yeah but I didn’t make all this food for them so you’re sinning by not eating it” Sandra says trying to guilt trip me as she pushes the plate back to me.

Girl, you got another thing coming.

“No, you’re wasting food by cooking what I didn’t ask for” I counter as I push the plate away again.

“Fine than, what do you want to eat?” she asks with folded hands.

“Nothing” I answer honestly...well somewhat honestly.

She can’t give me what I want...what I need. She can’t give me back the woman who has my heart.

“It’s been a week Liz, you can’t be punishing yourself for someone... it’s not worth it” She shouts, seeing as her previous tone wasn’t getting to me.

But she’s wrong... she’s really wrong. Chris is worth is, she’s so worth it. She’s got her rough edges but who doesn’t. She’s a tough woman with a big heart despite what people may think. She’s a sexy woman who doesn’t let her good looks get to her head. She’s intelligent and motivated beyond reason despite how much she thinks she’s failing.

She’s worth every tear and pain I’m feeling right now. I know that despite how much heartbreak I’m experiencing, I’ll never regret getting to know her...being the woman that she looked at with so much adoration, pride and...love.

She’s worth it... she’s so fucken worth it.

“She’s worth it” I whisper “ She’s so, so worth it” I say louder “She’s worth it, she’s worth it, she’s worth it she’s worth it she’s worth it she’s wo-

The tears running down my face cut me off from my rant. They fall down my face with a vengeance. I’ve cried so much during this week I believe I could have filled a pond up.

Sandra silently pulls me into a hug...a much needed hug. I’ve avoided any kind of physical contact with her this whole week and I’ve honestly missed it.

Although these are not the arms I want comforting me, they are the second pair of arms that can comfort me...and than there’s Emily with the mother’s love.

Now that I think about it, I didn’t just lose Christian alone, I’ve lost Emily, Joseph and Emmanuel. Although I never got to know them better, the little that I do is enough to hurt.