in another life

redemption

i don't want you here with no one else...

11.

Lisa had returned home many times without Jennie being there these last few months, but this time it was different. This time the house was bigger and colder, and Lisa felt out of place, as if she didn't belong there.

Jennie had moved on. This house wasn't theirs anymore; it was only Lisa's. But Lisa didn't want it without Jennie. She wanted to burn it to the ground.

She knew the house was free of alcohol, yet she searched for it anyway. She thought of all the time she had wasted in making herself better. Most would say it wasn't a waste, that she should have wanted to get better for herself, not Jennie, but she didn't care.

The truth was and remained, she got sober for Jennie, she went to therapy for Jennie, and she got herself together for Jennie. She did all that on the chance Jennie would take her back. But now she knew she wouldn't, so what was the point? Lisa didn't want to go on living in a world without Jennie. She didn't think she could.

And as she emptied a tub of pills into her hand, she stared.

She had spent six years with Jennie. For the first four, her life had been perfect. In the last two, it had been a nightmare. Lisa hadn't realised how much of a nightmare until it was too late.

At least Jennie would be happy. Even if it was without Lisa, at least she would be happy. Jeongyeon would make her happy. Jennie was a blessing. Anyone with eyes could see. Lisa had taken advantage, and so she didn't deserve that blessing anymore.

Someone else did. Someone who wouldn't abuse or neglect her. Someone who treated her the way she deserved to be treated every single day.

Lisa was willing to prioritise Jennie's happiness over her own.

And that's exactly why she didn't want to believe any of the above.

Sure, Jeongyeon could make her happy, but it was nothing in the face of the happiness Lisa could give her. Jennie deserved the utmost happiness, not just an average amount. Whatever hers and Jennie's souls were made of, they were the same. And no one could make Jennie happier than her soulmate could.

Jennie had smiled at Jeongyeon, and as much as Lisa wanted to love seeing Jennie smile, she just couldn't bring herself to be happy with the fact that she was smiling at another. For Lisa knew, though this smile may seem genuine to others, it didn't quite meet her eyes, she didn't bare her gums or squint her eyes the way she had done when she was with Lisa. This wasn't her true smile. And Lisa knew that Jennie could be happier, and only she could make her happier. She deserved to be happier.

Before, Lisa's only concern would have been bringing Jennie home, no matter what. She would have been too blinded by her selfishness to see it was at the expense of Jennie's happiness. But Lisa wasn't thinking like that now.

Yes, she wanted to bring Jennie home, but she wanted to do it the right way. She wasn't going to give her up so easily. Jennie was worth fighting for, so Lisa was going to do just that.

Maybe she was wrong and was still too blinded by her love and was projecting it onto Jennie to make herself feel better. Maybe Jennie could be at her happiest with Jeongyeon, but Lisa owed it to their past selves to try.

She owed it to the Jennie and Lisa who had believed they were destined to be together and would spend the rest of their lives together. The Jennie and Lisa who loved each other enough to sacrifice others that had loved them. Lisa was going to try for that Jennie and Lisa. They deserved their forever as they had always planned it.

Besides, Jennie had remained by Lisa's side for two years when she didn't deserve it. Was Lisa really going to give up on Jennie so quickly?

To make sure she wasn't simply being selfish, she called Jennie's mum. She wasn't surprised when it went to voicemail the first few times. Lisa still hadn't gotten around to righting her wrongs with the other people who had been hurt by her actions. But on the fourth try, she answered, albeit quite coldly.