Their Scars (COMPLETE)

Chapter 17

He went upstairs to the bedroom that night. Kayla was sitting on the side bed when Collin came in. It was late, the unobscured starlight shining; the silvery moon, and the soft orange glow of the candles giving Kayla a soft halo. Collin had never seen her in such a beautiful nightgown. It was blue, made of a t-shirt-type fabric. A little too big for her frame, but it fit her well. Her skin glowed, her eyes shone, and her lips curved in a sweet smile. He could only imagine what she looked like under that gown. She reached for him, pulling him close.

The hemline was cut low enough to reveal her smooth, pale legs, and the bodice stretched over her breasts as she leaned over slightly to read her book. He walked to the other side of the bed and sat beside her. They looked at each other, and time stopped. Collin was nervous. He hadn't had much experience; just a few flings that felt meaningless in the past.  What if he messed up? What if it wasn't what she expected? He couldn't tell her. He couldn't ruin things between them before he started. He was more in love with Kayla than he could remember ever being in his life, but he wasn't sure how to show it or how to treat her. He wanted to whisper something, not just to hear his voice, but he didn't know how. He knew he had to do something, but he didn't want to scare her. How do you make love with a woman who associates it with being violated?  He could see that Kayla wasn't frightened of anything any more; she had come far too close to death and survived. She had accepted it, and now she wanted to move beyond her fear. She didn't want to stay scared forever, and he hoped he was worthy of her trust.

And now he wanted to make love with her. To be close to her. To touch her skin. Feel how soft and warm it was. To kiss her lips. He wanted to do all these things with her, to make her feel loved and safe and happy.
"Is this okay? Are you sure?" He asked.
Collin looked down at her.

Kayla came over to Collin. She brushed a bit of hair out of his face.
"Collin, I love you," Kayla said, still holding his hand.
"I love you too, Kayla," Collin answered, kissing her forehead. "I've never said that to anyone before, even myself."
They embraced again, this time in a passionate kiss that took both of them by surprise.
He sat down beside her on the bed. He kissed her softly on the temple, and she rested her head on his shoulder.
"We don't have to do this; after all that's happened to you," Collin said.
"No, I want to make love to you; you're my choice," Kayla answered; sliding her fingers into the hair at the base of Collin's neck.

Collin lowered his head and kissed her on the lips again.
"I love you," she said, softly.

"Before we start, do you want to use protection?" He asked gently. She was quiet for a moment.
"I stopped taking birth control after my period started.....I didn't think I'd still be with you." She said, looking up at him. "I don't need to be careful anymore. I wanted to feel normal."
"It's okay. You made your own decision. " Collin said, stroking her face.
He leaned down and kissed her affectionately.
"Hold on," Collin said. He went to the medical supplies. He came back with a tube of spermicide. He sat next to Kayla on the bed.
"I know this is a big step, but I want to make it as easy as possible for you." She nodded her head and slid her hand into his.

"From here on, if you want to stop, I'll stop." He told her.
She nodded.
I don't want to hurt you, Kayla. I want us to be happy together." Collin said.

"I know. I just want to feel free again. That's all I've ever wanted." Kayla smiled. She leaned up to kiss him. Collin placed one finger underneath her chin, tilting her face up toward him, and then leaned forward to gently caress her cheek. Kayla took the tube from him and went alone into the bathroom. He stayed outside for a moment watching her go. When she came out a little while later, she closed the door behind her.
"I guess I'm all set." She said nervously, giggling. Collin smiled at her.
"Good, then." He stood up and grabbed her hands. "This is going to feel good." He warned her.
"I want this to feel perfect for you. You deserve nothing less."
Kayla laughed, nodding her head yes. Collin slowly guided her to the bed. She sat on the edge, her knees pulled to her chest. She looked up at him waiting for his next instruction.
"Relax. Everything is going to be fine. We don't have to." Collin said.
"I want to, Collin. Tonight, it will be different." She said." I'll feel loved for once. I'll feel beautiful. You've given me that." Kayla kissed his hand.
Collin pulled away from her and sat back down.
"Here we go." He said.
They turned the lights off; they lay back against the pillows. The room fell silent except for their breathing. Collin held Kayla tightly and kissed the top of her head.